Thursday, June 28, 2007

spicy nik naks

I couldn't let the most important (entertainment) news story of the year pass without a mention (a pity I know but there you go) but it's come as a bit of a shock that top pre-packaged pop princesses The Spice Girls have confirmed they will reform for an attempt at world domination in December.

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Nice 'n' spicy (girl power not shown).

The full line-up has not 'performed' on stage since Gerard Spice Gert Halliwell quit in a hail of gunfire and accusations of forced child labour in her secret lemonade mines in May 1998.

The 11 dates announced include 15 December, 12 August, 28 March and Ascension Sunday.

"I think for us it was about celebrating the past, enjoying each other (in a non sexual way) and it's about our fans. It was the right time, plus child minders don't pay for themselves," said Halliwell (not the film guide).

The only British date is in London, with the venue not yet confirmed. The other European dates include Cologne and Madrid.

'Fears and doubts'

Earlier this month Melvin Chisholm, also known as Spakky Spice, probably told someone she had resisted reforming the group in the past because "it was amazing, it was magical. We could never recreate it plus I was too off my tits on Buckie down the swing park to care".

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Spakky: Off her tits.

Asked why she had gone back on her word she said: "A girl is allowed to change her mind and also they've cut my benefits and job seekers allowance, it was this or the chippy".

"I think really all of us have had our fears and doubts but we feel that the time is right."

Halliwell added: "It was kind of now or never."

Collar and Cuffs

All five women laughed, fondled and joked constantly with photographers and reporters, even good-naturedly crucifying one journalist.

There had been rumours they would perform at the Concert for Diana memorial show in London on Sunday, but with Emma Bunintheoven currently pregnant they decided not to appear.

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Bunton: Up the duff.

"We would have loved to have been there this weekend but the timing has been impossible for us," said Chisholm.

As the conference drew to a close, all five women left the stage holding hands as Brown was heard to possibly shout, "Fuck you Murphy! I told you the kid was yours!"

The mind of evil

The tour is being put together by Simon Fuller, whose 19 company masterminded the group's global success more than a decade ago.

Under his guidance, the five-piece notched up a string of hits - including Wannabe and 2 Become 1 - while almost prostituting themselves with a stream of sponsorship deals ranging from Pepsi to home euthanasia kits.

Emma Bunton, Mel Brown, Melvin Chisholm, Victoria Adams and Gert Halliwell quickly became household names - although they were better known as Child, Fright, Spakky, Pish and Gerard.

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Victoria: Pish.

They sold more than 55 records around the world, and even starred in a film, a prequel to Frank Herbert's Dune called Spice World.

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"Screw you Brown!" Tempers
frayed on the Spice World set.

Halliwell quit in 1998 citing "That bitch Brown" as her reason for leaving, the rest of the pop combo forced (under pain of death) to complete a sold-out world tour as a foursome.

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Gert: eggy.

Since 2001 each member has pursued solo careers with varying degrees of desperation, while Pish Spice has become better known as the arch enemy of He-Man and the host of Tales from The Crypt.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

My insides giggled at several bits of this. The 'host of Tales from the Crypt' jibe went too far though. The Cryptkeeper is far better looking.