Friday, November 2, 2007

oh bee-have.

Invasion of The Bee Girls (AKA Graveyard Tramps, 1973)
Dir: Denis Sanders.
Cast: William (wicki wah wah) Smith, Anitra Ford, Victoria Vetri, Cliff Osmond, Wright King, Ben Hammer, Stan Williams, Sid Kaiser.
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They'll Love The Very Life Out Of Your Body!

When a government research scientist
is found naked (apart from his socks) and dead in a roadside motel just outside Peckham (a different Peckham, so don't worry that Nicholas Lyndhurst's gonna turn up) the US State Department sends tough guy special agent Neil Agar (William Smith, not the one from Bad Boys and Men in Black, but the one from Chrome and Hot Leather and The Swinging Barmaids) to investigate.

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Jeff was fearful of the realistic
lady hand puppet.

Agar’s first stop is at the home of the last person to see the scientist alive, the sultry head of the dead scientist’s department Julie Zorn (Vetri, fresh from messing up pavements in Rosemary's Baby and playing Gary Seven's sexy humanoid cat in Star Trek). At first evasive and blunt with Agaris about what she was doing in the scientist's company that night, but Agar eventually shakes the information out of her as she delivers the Oscar worthy dialogue:

“Alright! We balled! And we balled and we balled and we balled some more, until finally he dropped dead!”

Investigating further (and with Zorn in tow) Agar makes a horrific discovery, an epidemic of fatal heart attacks linked only by the fact that the men involved all popped their clogs while engaged in the 'sex' act.

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The other Prince of Bel-Air.

Joe Q. Public start blaming the local science lab whilst erstwhile local 'sex researcher' (and closet S and M queen) Henry Murger (King) reckons it's a new disease and begins trying to convince folk to stop shagging for a bit till it's sorted.

Unfortunately there appears to be nowt else to do in the town except have sex, so the death toll continues to grow.

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"Laugh now".

As the stiffs get stiffer the real cause of the sex deaths is gradually revealed.. it appears that a group of shapely, sexy and sunglasses clad ladies are behind (and on top of obviously) the mounting pile of corpses (which is actually quite an erotic image).

The big question now (and why, but that would be two questions).

Enter nutty as squirrel shit entomologist Susan Harris (Ford) who, whilst studying bees and stuff has discovered that it's possible to merge bee DNA with that of a lady.

For what purpose I have no idea.

Anyway, Harris has a secret lab in the basement of the research centre and an army of semi-nude, bisexual, female helpers all decked out in groovy Jackie O sunglasses to that answer to her every whim.

Luckily for the viewer her main whim appears to be getting her posse to smother captive naked women in custard, subject them to bursts of radiation then locking them in a cupboard full of bees, transforming them into sex crazed 'Bee Girls'.

Again, I have no idea why.

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"Show me the money (shot)".

So it's left to an angry Agar and gruff police captain 'big' Jim Peters (Osmond from the fantastic Hangar 18) with the help of 'scientists' Stanley Williams (Kaiser) and Herb Klein (Ben 'Beast Master' Hammer) to discover the truth behind the epidemic.....but they better hurry, as Harris has kidnapped Zorn and she's next for the oily nakedness....

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"I love you....could it be magic?"

From Denis Sanders, the writer of the fantastic Creature from the Black Lagoon and Nicholas Meyer, later to co-write and direct Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan, comes this bizarre tale of sexy girls, fist-fights, pervy sex, violence, hairy backed old men getting naked and erotically charged nude motorbiking.

Oh, and bees.

So is Invasion of The Bee Girls a satire of 70's sexual attitudes or an incredibly sexist exploitationer relying on copious amounts of T and A to film it's meager running time?

Who cares? it's got nude ladies being smeared in honey by other nude ladies to a wonderful 'Ooooow wooooo woooo' spooky scifi soundtrack.

Buy it now.

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