Monday, January 14, 2008

she loves you.

From that bastion of quality news reporting The Daily Mirror:

Dishy Doctor Who star and Scotsman David Tennant is being stalked by a 'woman' who has moved to Stratford-upon-Avon (so named after Avon from hit Teevee show Blake's Seven), where he’s rehearsing for a new production of Hamlet.

Tennant: Shirt.

The cunning Broton boiler is even renting a flat directly opposite the Courtyard Theatre where David will be 'performing'.

Broton: Boiled.

A man digging the giant moat around Elsinore Castle (only using his paddle like hands) said (to anyone who would listen) :

"Obviously, David gets crowds of fans. But he’s never experienced anything as unsettling as this (what? not even being aged 900 years by The Master or seeing the destruction of Gallifrey?).

“She has been hassling cast members of the production. And she’s told them that she’s left her husband for David.

Darrow: Massive Cock.

“She regularly leaves pencil drawings for him of them being 'friendly' in the TARDIS" (I'm not sure if she draws the pictures of them in the TARDIS together or actually leaves them inside the police box....if so the most worrying question is how the fuck did she get's meant to have an isomorphic lock!).

Rude: Drawing.

“And she writes bizarre sci-fi versions of Hamlet, featuring herself as Ophelia and David as a futuristic Hamlet. She insists that both the Doctor and Hamlet are aliens in a hostile universe, who are terrified of being alone.

But she will save him by being his Rose, Ophelia or at a push Harry Sullivan.

“Sadly, the only thing she and Ophelia have in common is breasts, ginger hair and their madness. And David is afraid, very afraid.....unlike when he faced down both The Cybermen and The Daleks in Doomsday, because he was only acting then.”

The weirdo left her husband before the confetti had even settled when she discovered David had split with Lady Penelope Creighton Ward, 27.

Lady Penelope: FAB.

The 36-year-old star has mixed feelings about this – one of those being abject horror, as the stalker has bought front row tickets for the production every weekend until it finishes in November.

Auntie Jean: Mental.

The man added: “It’s a bit unnerving. But he won’t be able to spot her in the audience because he doesn’t know what she looks like.”

All I can say is "Auntie Jean....stop it right now".

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

What's the Hamster got to do with it?