dave dates.

As a wee change from piss soaked right wing arseholes around of late (literally if the last few movies I've watched are any example) here's a quick guide to the do's and dont's of dating David Hasslehoff.

Don't say I'm not good to you.

people you fancy but shouldn't (part 73).

South Dakota's finest, the  wise-cracking coroner Constance Talbot - as played by Jane Adams.

people you fancy but shouldn't (part 72).

With Game of Thrones returning this week there's only one person it could be.

By popular demand we give you....

Maisie Williams.

Nuff said.

*Can I just point out that there's been at least one reader requesting this since GoT season one......and to them can I just say please stop messaging me now you sick puppy.

beale gone kid.

A wee break from all the film based shenanigans I usually post in order to share this word of warning I received via e-mail last week.



Enjoy.


Dear Ashton,

You know Gillian Taylforth? best known for her role as Kathy Beale in EastEnders and as Jackie Pascoe-Webb in Footballers' Wives?

Blood Witch.

And a really, really powerful one at that.

And she now has my scent.

A few months back I accidentally smeared a bit of blood on a signed postcard of her I received from the BBC many years back and my life has been a living hell since.

She's started projecting herself into my dreams and talking to me telepathically....it feels like my energy has been drained and my life is slowly being ruined.

When you see her interviewed she acts all sweetness and light, convincing the viewers that she isn't a flesh-eating she-demon who sees us all as little more than cattle to be fed off.

All I can do is warn you to NEVER speak to her or to attempt to contact her telepathically. Especially if like me you have high sexual energy levels and are really good at magic.

Real magic I mean not the card game.

Though that probably means you're quite powerful too.

This warning is for you and your readers, seriously the bitch almost got me killed and has sent psychic assassins after me several times.

Heed my words.

Oh and by the way I think It Follows was shit too. 

adventures in sound.

Celebrate the genius that is Peter Capaldi's Doctor with a masterful mix of Cyber samples, Bok beats and Terrifying Terileptil tunes.

Download here.

batman forever.

RiP Adam West, the one true Batman, another slice of childhood gone forever.

peachy keen.

Celebrate the return of Twin Peaks with 90 minutes of Badalamenti beats, sinister soundbites and toe tapping tunes.

Pour yourself a coffee, cut a slice of cherry pie and download here.

Caution: may contain Melange.

people you fancy but shouldn't (part 71).

Regular Show's uber BiLF Margaret Smith.

Sorry.

who knew.

BBC: "Doctor Who gets first openly gay companion in Bill Potts".  

Ahem.....Isabelle "Izzy" Sinclair.

Just saying.

 

people you fancy but shouldn't (part 67).

  Fortitude's PC Ingrid as played by Mia Jexen.

It's the hat obviously.

people you fancy but shouldn't (part 64).

For Mr Stu (this is becoming a habit), the lovely Scottish TV presenter and antiques and art expert Natasha Raskin.