pants.

How about these for you or a loved one this Christmas?

hail to the king!

Coming soon...........Nuff said!

hobby lobby cards.

Fantastic lobby cards from my favourite underwater Nazi zombie movie, Zombie Lake....Enjoy!

beyond the cupboard (part 2).

Was just looking for Rollie's winter hat in our scary cupboard when I came across this:

Admit it, you would (but you'd probably be thinking of her sister).

what we should all a-spire to.

Often ignored or seen as a bizarre footnote in the history of sequential art, the 'graphic autobiographies' of Christian 'personalities' published by Spire Comics in the 70's have fast become collectors items.

Cash: cooler than Jesus.

Spire, better known for publishing Al Hartley's religious issues of Archie and Jack Chick's rant filled right wing Christian propaganda for kids) began this series in early 1974 and amongst the celebrities featured were Johnny Cash, concentration camp survivor Corrie ten Boom and Maria Hirschmann, 'the girl who loved the swastika'.

Pigtails, librarian outfit and
jackboots: my kinda girl.

Hirschmann's story, 'Hansi' is the tale of a good Aryan girl from Sudetenland and her experiences as the Nazi party. She is given a free education and a new purpose in life, soon becoming a fully fledged party member.

Unfortunately for her she is sent to an East German labour camp upon Hitler's defeat where the evil Russian soldiers continuously rape and torture the women prisoners as evil communists are want to do.

Hansi doesn’t get raped tho' because the Ruskies find her 'too skinny' and manages to use her master race charms to bribe a ferryman to take her to West Germany.

All that is, except Gil Gerard.

"But the Yankies are all bubble-gum chewing gangsters” her friend warns her, but she decides that that seems a better deal than the sub human red sex offenders she's having to deal with at the moment.

She finally makes it to the American camp only to be accosted by a young solider chewing bubble-gum, Hansi is scared of what he might do, but the soldier gently explains that American GI's don't rape women and he'd be happy to help her start a new life in the good ol' US of A.

Uncle Sam welcomes her with open arms and before long she's working as an elementary school teacher and married to her long lost U-Boat captain boyfriend from the Fatherland (and no, I'm not making this up, he survived his sub being torpedoed and traced her from Switzerland where he was hiding, I mean living) and, although life is good (compared to say, that of the millions of Jews she stood back at watch being exterminated) she stills feels something is missing (what? remorse?, conscience?).

She begins to notice how the evil hippie culture seems to despise this great nation that has given her sanctuary, how none of them take pride in its abundant food supplies, saving accounts and military might. Hansi is becoming more and more disillusioned till one day she leads a class of children in the pledge of allegiance.

Confused by her love for Germany and he love for her adopted home, it's only when she hears the children saying in unison "one nation under God" that her mind clears:

"Those words make all the difference! It's all right to love what God has blessed!" and at that moment Hansi commits fully to her love for Jesus and America.

Cash-tastic.

In addition to publishing these Christian memoirs, Spire also published re-imaginings of biblical stories in a modern setting as well as stories like The Crusaders. Published in 1974 it tells of a pair of Persuaders-like missionaries, one black and one white who appear to like nothing more than to strip off in front of each other in between battling Hollywood, musical theatre and evil devil worshiping peace protesters (trust me, read the panels below)..

You see the peace symbol is actually a broken cross and is a cover for their satanic rituals.

You learn something new everyday.

Covering everything from Adam and Eve (two young lovers looking after a farm in upstate New York eat the apples from the farmers 'forbidden tree'. They are 'cast out' to downstate New York where they experience first hand the folly of their ways) and drug addiction, mainstay artist Al Hartley did a workman-like job on these warnings to the young.

Fuck the paperbacks, hide the porn!
It's God's Smuggler!

At 22 pages per story there was little room for subtlety (or decent story telling) but such bizarre sights as Joseph and his brightly coloured sports jacket and the adventures of God's Smuggler will remain etched onto your brain long after the last page has been read.

It'd be a miracle if you didn't get a kicking in that coat.

Whilst not as hard to come by as the 1943 M.C. Gaines (later of EC comics fame) published Picture Stories from The Bible: Creation to Judah Maccabee (reprinted as a softback edition by KTAV Publishing House in 1971), these titles are great reminders of the halcyon days of Christian comics.

cinema's forgotten legends (part 12).

She was the completely naked, scarily large breasted, kissy lipped 'space vampire' alongside Mick Jaggers brother and the guy that played Sgt. Streetwise in the Eagle photo stories in the Tobe Hooper classic Lifeforce and a sexy lady with a Louise Brooks bob in Naked Tango...but whatever happened to French fancy Mathilda May?

The librarian like May. Yum.

Karima Mathilda Haim (measurements: 35C-25-35) was born on 8th February 1965 in Paris (France in Europe for any Americans reading), daughter of French playwright Victor Haim and a prima ballerina, she started her career in 'the arts' early, Winning the "Premier Prix du Conservatoire de Danse de Paris" (whatever that is) at the tender age of 16. Working primarily for the French 'arthouse' market (meaning she gets her kit off a lot), she's best known outside her native country for the aforementioned Lifeforce, Becoming Colette and the snigger-rificly titled The Tit and The Moon.

scrumptious.

Not content with being a fantastically gifted actress, May has also lent her vocal talents to top space computer game Privateer 2: The Darkening alongside Clive Owen, Jurgen Prochnow and Christoper 'Walken' and, in 1994 released a funky disco 'record', still finding the time to get married three times and have raise two kids.

French.

She's still acting with a couple of new projects slated for a 2008 release, but to her fans tho, she will always be remembered for Lifeforce.

For those unlucky enough to have never seen it, the plot goes something like this.....

The crew of the space shuttle Churchill, led by the ever so wooden Colonel Carlsen ('Steve' Railsback) has been sent to investigate an object discovered in the centre of Halley's Comet.

On arrival the crew are shocked to find a huge space ship containing hundreds of fossilized giant bats and three nude people inside big crystal blocks. They decide to take all three back to Earth with them.....bad move.

The worlds sexiest Xmas tree decorations.

Losing contact with the Churchill a rescue team is sent to rendezvous with the stricken shuttle. On docking they discover the charred remains of the crew and a destroyed ship, all that remains are the perfectly preserved space nudes.

The rescue team return to mission control with their erotic looking cargo.

That's why the lady is a (space) vamp!

The scientist team (led by silver fox Frank Finlay), are utterly confused (and probably distracted by the amount of flesh on show) by the nature of these beings and decide to keep them locked up in a warehouse. All is well till late one night, a chubby, basin headed security guard feels an uncontrollable urge to enter the room in which the nude space lady is being held.

He touches her on the shoulder, and she awakens. Standing in all her Euro-nude glory she approaches the guard and begins to suck the 'lifeforce' out of him with a killer kiss.

You would, she may.

She explosively escapes from the warehouse, leaving a trail of snogged to death corpses behind her......But that's not all, Frank discovers that within two hours of death the corpses return to 'life' hungry for kisses....the government have no choice but to bring in top Brit sex God (and star of Spooks) Peter Firth as the pube haired Colonel Caine of the SAS to track her down before London (or maybe even the world) is awash with re-animated sex starved zombies.

May today...still frisky at (nearly) fifty.

a magic touch.

For your enjoyment, Magical mistress of the dark arts Debbie McGee's Video Showreel.