"The last three weeks alone has seen Vacancy, Captivity and Hostel: Part II playing in cinemas across the UK" an obviously terrified Tim writes.
"Hostel: Part II is the follow-up to Eli Roth's box office hit from early 2006 in which a group of male backpackers fall prey to a torture ring in Slovakia" (obviously this can't be one of the culprits as the main victims are men but there you go) "And a poster campaign for Captivity (one that was mistakenly used and actually pulled by the distributors, but that doesn't make good copy) was pulled earlier this year in the US after complaints about the graphic images featuring the film's lead Elisha Cuthbert" (the new one featuring her being buried alive with her breasts pushed towards the viewer is ok tho').
The original poster pulled for being too violent or
just too cluttered and badly designed? you decide!
The acceptable face (and breasts) of fear.
In an attempt to bring an experts opinion to the proceedings Master's quotes Mark Kermode's review of Captivity from Radio Five Live:
"It's a grotty, nasty, sleazy, infantile piece of dung" said the bequiffed skiffler. Lets be honest tho' if you're a 'proper' serious fan of the horror genre you just know that something like Captivity is going to be utter rot and the only folk that'll enjoy it are the ones like the really awful woman in pink that appeared on the Dawn of The Dead remake ads going "It's sooo much better than the original!" when you knew for a fact that she wouldn't know the Romero version if it came up behind her and took a chunk out of her ample arse.
Kermode: sleazy
and infantile.
"Last year, another torture-flavoured film, Saw III, grabbed headlines after reports of punters fainting in the cinema".
But if you're gonna pay good money to see factory produced lowest common denominator bollocks like a Saw movie then fainting in the cinema is the least of your worries.
The only way you'd get
me watching Saw III.
"A clever marketing ploy perhaps, or are these films really pushing the boundaries of violence and on-screen bloodshed?" pushing the boundaries of dumbing down films perhaps....
Masters then goes on to review the movies (worth reading for a laugh at least) before 'bumping into' top horror bod and Argentofile Alan (our mate John has shagged him) Jones (I never just happen to bump into him in the street after seeing a movie....why?)
"Caught enjoying Vacancy? fined £300!"
"There is nothing new in this," he says. "People have been on stone slabs being tortured by people since Frankenstein."
"But is there a difference when the horror has no fantasy element?" Asks a somewhat confused Tim because obviously 'horror without a fantasy element' is something like Schindler's List or The Killing Fields but seeing as they're 'proper' films they don't count.
"That's the problem - most people can write off the Hammer movies because they can be explained away as fairytales" answers Jones. "But with Hostel it's dealing with what people don't really want to address. And that is that the guy who's standing next to you in the supermarket queue could be a serial killer. Not just somebody who is obviously evil." He adds before running home to check for The Third Mother updates: "People like Eli Roth remember the first time they went to see a horror film and how much it shocked them, and they want to replicate that for today's audiences."
I can see this running and running......at least till the 'moral majority' find another scapegoat for societies ills. Surprisingly tho' John Beyer, head of Mediawatch and self appointed moral guardian of Britain has been conspicuous by his absence during this debate. He's no doubt too busy with his good Christian pursuits like outing gay police officers and sending threatening letters to BBC employees after the Jerry Springer Opera contraversy. Probably.
Beyer: Self righteous arse.
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