stranger sounds.

 

Can't believe that it's 41 years today since Will Byers went missing.....Remember the day with 60 (very) odd minutes of strange sounds from the upside down:

 

hail to the king!

 

Celebrate the 70th birthday of The King of The Monsters with 60 minutes of Gojira grooves, Kaiju cuts and massive monster mixes.

 

halloween squared.

 

rectacular!

So that's it.

The final entry in this years 31 days of horror.

And as this was originally written for Andy Ross' Millennium Monsters Magazine (copies still available from Amazon) I'll apologize for the lack of childish comments and semi-serious tone.

I was given a maximum 'laugh now/shite in mah mooth' quota that I had to stick to.

Enjoy.

For the uninitiated (and new readers/viewers of quality European cinematic fayre) it may come as a surprise to find that as far as scary cinema goes Spain has always been a horrific hotbed of talent.

From Amando de Ossorio's Blind Dead saga to Jorge Grau's seminal zombie shocker The Living Dead at the Manchester Morgue via the wacky world of Paul Naschy and the genius that is Antonio Mercero's La Cabina the countryside around Barcelona seems to have always been overflowing with sun, sangria and screams.

And in the case of Paul Naschy lots of top heavy actresses in too tight corsets.

And seeing as this is All Hallow's Eve and a time of Devilish delights I'm finishing up this years 31 days of horror with a - massive - overview of what is probably my favourite horror series outside The Evil Dead, a film series that gave new life not only to the found footage genre but added a whole new method and mythology to the possession flick.

As well as introducing the wider world to probably the best cover version of Eloise ever.

But for those of you still unfamiliar with the series, here's a quick recap....

[REC] (2007, Spain).
Dir: Jaume Balagueró and Paco Plaza.
Cast: Manuela Velasco, Ferrán Terraza, Jorge-Yamam Serrano, Pablo Rosso, David Vert, Vicente Gil, Martha Carbonell and Carlos Vicente.

Button-nosed TV reporter Ángela (Velasco) alongside her faithful cameraman Pablo (Rosso), are recording an episode of their hit reality show While You're Sleeping from one of Barcelona's fire stations, alas so far all the footage seems to be of firefighters sleeping.



Which doesn't really make for good TV.



Luckily - for them and us - the firehouse receives a call regarding an old woman, trapped screaming in her apartment so our dynamic duo decide to accompany two of Barcelona's finest firefolk, Álex and Manu (Vert and Terraza) as they head off to help.



Quickly arriving at the scene (well the film only has a 72 minute running time) our intrepid group find two police officers in waiting who hurriedly show them to the woman's apartment.



Upon entering tho' (the apartment that is not the old woman) the poor dear becomes increasingly aggressive lunging at the officers and biting one in the throat.



Which is kinda unusual as I usually find that older women don't usually start the biting till you've at least bought them dinner.

She'll never fit that lollypop in her mouth in one go.

Leaving Alex upstairs to watch over the by now subdued old lady the rest of our (not so) merry band carry the prone officer downstairs soon coming across the building's residents huddled worriedly in the lobby.



It seems that during the interim the local police alongside the military have sealed off the building, trapping them all inside.



The quiet panic soon gives over to loud hysteria tho' when Alex  is thrown over the staircase railings landing in a bloody heap in the middle of the lobby soon followed by the by now blood drenched and deranged old woman who runs screaming down the stairs and into the lobby in an attempt to chow down on her neighbours.



Luckily the remaining officer - Joven - manages to shoot her before she can eat too many of them.



Well as far as reality TV goes it beats an episode of The Force: Manchester so far seeing as that only ever seems to feature overweight balding Bobbies chastising wee ned boys for pissing up pub walls.



Maybe the producers should add a bit of cannibalism to that to spice things up?



Just a thought.



Anyway back to the matter at hand where Ángela and Pablo decide that the best thing to do in the situation is to interview the residents as to what's been occurring.



Well they do have an hour TV slot to fill.



Unfortunately the terrified chat is constantly interrupted by the throaty coughing and constant sniffing emanating from the corner of the hall where a cutesy wee girl named Jennifer is cuddled up to her worried mum.



According to her mum the crying and coughing is due to a bad case of tonsillitis and the fact that she's missing her pet dog Max, who is away at the vet due to having a cough too.



Sounds legit.

"Chase me now!"

Moving everyone to the relative safety of a textile workroom attached to the building the group are surprised when a local council health inspector - decked in a full Hazmat suit - enters the building just a a few of the residents start snarling and drooling.



Locking them in the workroom the rest beat a hasty retreat back to the lobby.



It's all go isn't it?



Seeing as we're at the halfway point with absolutely no idea what's causing all this madness our health board buddy kindly explains that the block is in lockdown due to an outbreak of a virus similar to rabies that has been traced back to a dog in that very building.



Ángela (and the rest of the folk present) realises that he's talking about Jennifer's pet and the angry crowd soon turn of the poor girl and her mum for answers.



Before the situation gets too out of hand tho' Jennifer suddenly pukes blood all over her mum's face before legging it upstairs.



Kids eh?



Handcuffing the poor woman to the banister, Joven, Manu and Pablo (alongside Angela) give chase only to be jumped by Jennifer who takes a chunk out of Joven's arm before scurrying off into a closet.



Begging them to leave him and attempt to escape our terrified trio discover that the infected folk they locked in the workroom have escaped and are currently chasing everyone else upstairs.

"Are you the farmer?"

Much chaos, screaming and biting ensues and the group are forced to flee forever upwards till only Pablo and Angela are left uninfected and trapped in the apartments seemingly deserted penthouse flat where they discover a tape recording that may hold the secret to what's happening.



Now pay attention, here's the science part.



And it's either utter genius or total toffee depending on which side of loving great films you fall.



You see it appears that the penthouse was owned by a mysterious arm of The Vatican and used for secret research into demonic possession.



The priest in charge of the project had come to the conclusion that there was in fact a biological cause for it that could be neutralized by isolating a certain enzyme found in the brain of the 'possessed'.



Sounds pretty solid so far.



Coming across a possessed girl named Nina Medeiros, he abducted her and kept her prisoner in the penthouse in the name of God's work, unfortunately during this time he discovered that the enzyme had mutated and become viral.



The priest in a fit of panic sealed poor Nina in the penthouse in the hope that she - and the virus - would die.
 
Using their cameras night vision filter the pair investigate further soon finding a sealed door which they attempt to open, not noticing the twisted figure hiding in the shadows.



Nina, still alive but now blind, hideously scared from botched experiments and horribly emaciated and kept alive by pure demonic energy is awake and searching for food and it looks like Pablo is today's starter.



Quickly overpowering him with her unnatural strength Angela can only cower in horror as her colleague is killed.



Grabbing the camera Ángela attempts to sneak out of the penthouse but trips over Pablo's body and drops the camera.



It continues to record as Nina slowly looms over Ángela and drags her screaming into the darkness.....

There seemed to be a bit of a renaissance for EuroHorror at the arse end of the noughties what with the releases of Ils (2006), The Orphanage (2007) and Let the Right One In (2008) amongst others but for sheer terror and good old fashioned scares you'd be hard put to beat  [REC] - the lo-fi/high concept chiller that spawned a trio of sequels, an American remake and gave us a horror heroine to rival Jamie Lee Curtis (and Bruce Campbell)  in Manuela Velasco's Angela.



Smart and scary with a perfect cast, a clever, seemingly spontaneous (and humorous)  script and a runtime that means it never outstays its welcome [REC] is a virtual text book on how to do the found footage genre correctly.

Manuela Velasco - button nosed perfection.

Cleverly casting its cinematographer Pablo Rosso as a co-star means that the footage has a confidently slick and professional feel to it that adds so much to the films the realistic approach, shots that seem clichéd in many other films of this type (lenses being covered, cameras dropped or hazy out of focus figures) are framed in such a way as to add an almost classic cinema verite style to the whole thing that directors Jaume Balaguero and Paco Plaza use to slowly unveil  hints as to the true nature of the horror unfolding - never letting the scant running time hurry them along the pair tease out the tales backstory thru' a series of unrelated events, from the throwaway mention of the sick dog and the mysterious owner of the penthouse to rumors of a girl who once may have lived there, with almost surgical precision and perverse delight.



This is horror as art in the truest sense, existing for no other reason that to scare.






And scare it does.



But could a sequel match it?









[REC] 2 (2009, Spain).
Dir: Jaume Balagueró and Paco Plaza.
Cast: Manuela Velasco, Jonathan Mellor, Oscar Sánchez Zafra, Ariel Casas, Alejandro Casaseca, Pablo Rosso, Andrea Ros, Àlex Batllori, Pau Poch and Claudia Silva.

Investigating the outbreak a heavily armed bio-hazard team led by the enigmatic Dr. Owen (Mellor) is sent into the apartment building to assess and ultimately control the situation.



It's not long tho' before one of the team is bitten and infected but bizarrely  Owen doesn't shoot the unfortunate fellow but binds him in a room using only a set of rosary beads and a strange religious mantra.



Yup it turns out that Owen is actually a combat trained, Satan baiting priest sent by the Vatican to recover the research material regarding Nina Medeiros.



Oh yes and a vial of her blood.



Because, um, reasons.



Entering the penthouse they find that Nina is long gone but they do find a sample of her blood over which Owen performs another religious rite causing it to burst into flames.



Fearing that at this rate the movie will be over really quickly one of the team accidentally drops it in an ashtray rendering it useless which means that the team must now get more blood straight from the source.



I have a feeling that this wont end well.

"Screams from mah mooth!"

Meanwhile outside the apartment block Jennifer's father (remember her?) has just arrived back from the all night chemist with a bottle of cough medicine for his daughter and is slightly annoyed to find that they police outside wont let him in.



Luckily (for the plot, not him obviously) a friend of Manu is on duty and sneaks him in the rear whilst no-one is looking.



At the same time three cheeky teens, Tito, Mire and Ori (Ros, Batllori and Poch sounding like the world's shittest comedy act) have sneaked into the building through the sewers and are currently wandering around the bloodsoaked lobby for no other reason than the writers reckoned we needed some other characters other than the faceless hazmat guys to identify with.



I mean Jennifer's dad and the fireman are no use seeing as they die almost immediately after entering the building.



Being the shortest Tito too is attacked and bitten and whilst trying to escape the terrified teens come across (tho' not literally - it's not that kind of movie) Owen and his squad who quickly lock Mire and Ori in a small cupboard before restraining Tito like a particularly mangy dog.



You see according to Owen the infected/possessed are all link psychically so they can use the unfortunate teen to track the elusive Ms Medeiros.



But where's Angela I hear you cry?



Well she's wandering about the apartment block in a daze still clutching her camera so as you can imagine she's quite pleased when she bumps into Owen and co. - even tho' they're all pretty grumpy - but the introductions are cut short when Tito ominously announces that Nina is "in the highest" and waiting for them.

This is how your mum and dad celebrate your birthday.

Owen figures out that this means that she must still be in the penthouse, which Angela agrees with mentioning that that's where she saw her last.



Owen is intrigued as to how Angela caught a glimpse of the demon but not them so she (helpfully) explains that she was viewing her thru' the camera.



Right on cue Tito announces that "the light blinds them from seeing the true path" which Owen deduces means that there are some things that can only be seen in the dark.



Look, it seemed to make sense at the time.



Heading back to the penthouse they quickly turn off the lights whilst turning on the camera's night vision which reveals a mysterious door leading to a hidden room containing a bath full of dark water.



As in the liquid not the 2002 Hideo Nakata horror movie.



As one of the team takes a closer look Nina leaps from the water and drags him in, disappearing as the lights are turned on.



Bored with the impromptu game of hide and seek Angela grabs a handy shotgun form the fallen team member and quickly flicks the lights off.



Then - quite surprisingly - shoots Nina in the face killing her.



Obviously.

Scottish politics in a nutshell.

Owen is understandably fairly annoyed by these turn of events and vents his anger at Angela who nonchalantly points out that with Nina out of the way they can all go home.



Owen - always the big man - refuses to comply, pointing out that with Nina dead they no hope that they can develop a cure to the possession virus.



This riles Ángela quit considerably to a point where she starts to beat Owen round the head with her fists but when Rosso - the last surviving group member - steps in to calm the situation down she shoots him too.



It seems that at the first films end Nina transferred the demonic entity to Angela via a huge slug she forced into her (very pretty) mouth in order to leave the building undetected.



Grabbing the radio from an incredulous Owen she mimics his voice and orders an immediate Evac team pointing out to them that the only survivor is a girl named Angela, Owen looks on in horror as she explains (in Owen's voice still - obviously) that he must remain as he too is infected and it'd be best if they just torched the place.



Killing Owen Angela slowly makes her way to the window where a rescue team are waiting.



When one of them asks how she managed to survive the now demonic Ángela looks toward the camera and smiles.....

Kicking off a matter of minutes after the climax of [REC] and in such a seamless way you could easily edit them both into one movie [REC] 2 takes the found footage approach of the first movie and adds a James Cameron twist.



And by that I don't mean unnecessary big blue people and an over important sense of self worth but a gritty Aliens vibe thanks to the use of Hazmat headcams and picture within picture to add even more dread and uncertainty to a film already drenched in the stuff and although this does at points take away from the originals gritty realness to be honest you're way to engrossed to care.



It's like hitting the top of a rollercoaster to find that whilst you were traveling up to it that they've actually added a new twist at the peak.



Yes there are no real characters to cheer for as much as you did with Manu and Pablo  (Dr. Owen being the exception) and it's true that certain folk seem to be there just to make up the numbers but you can't help but be caught up in the sheer madness of it all plus Balagueró and Plaza more than make up for any lack of character development by expanding the mythos of the [REC] universe; the demonic nature of the evil referencing everything from The Exorcist to Fritz Leiber’s Our Lady of Darkness via the metaphysical monsters of John Carpenters Prince of Darkness.



Well if you're gonna steal, steal from the best.



And it's this cocksure swagger that makes you a little excited (as opposed to groaning at the thought of another horror cash cow) when the movies ending is left open for a further sequel.

Manuela Velasco - pointing.

Unusually for such successful filmmakers tho' Balagueró and Plaza (well Plaza at least) decided that rather than just continue Angela/Nina's story that they'd listen to what the fans wanted.



And that was to know how Jennifer's dog Max fitted in to the whole story.

[REC]3: Genesis (2012, Spain).
Dir: Paco Plaza.
Cast: Leticia Dolera, Diego Martín, Ismael Martínez, Àlex Monner, Mireia Ros, Sr. B and Emilio Mencheta.

Spanish sweethearts Koldo and Clara (Martin and Dolera) are a newlywed couple heading to their wedding reception - being held in a huge mansion outside Barcelona - alongside their family and friends.



Documenting the day is Koldo's cousin Adrian (Monner) who is busying himself flirting with the bridesmaids whilst filming the guests in a hope of getting an amusing story or two.



Adrian's spot his uncle looking clearly unwell and after inquiring what's wrong discovers that a dog (named Max) he was recently treating had bitten him leaving him with a wee bit of a headache and a sore arse.



Well maybe not the last bit.

No catty captions as I genuinely love this pair.

Thinking nothing of it Adrian bids his uncle farewell and chases after the granite-jawed bridesmaid Natalie.



Later that evening the party is cut short when Adrián's uncle begins vomiting over the guests before stumbling over a balcony and crashing into the wedding cake.



Which means if nothing else Adrian can claim £100 off Harry Hill and the You've Been Framed team.



With all this cake/balcony based commotion going on the guests totally fail to notice the group Hazmat team and sundry police types beginning to circle the building.



As his wife approaches to help the now fully possessed uncle sits up and bites her (turkey-like) neck before spraying everyone near by with blood infecting them almost immediately and within minutes it's literally murder on the dancefloor as everyone runs for their lives.



And hopefully not get their rented tuxedos too messy.



After egg and sweat demonic vomit is the worst thing to get out of a suit jacket.



Trust me I know.

"Hello! It's the blind man!"

Amidst all the chaos and screaming Koldo and Clara are separated with Koldo ending up in the kitchen with Adrián, Clara's sister Tita, professional chubster Atun (Spanish Nick Frost Sr. B) and the MiLFy Menchu.



Accessing the buildings CCTV (and looking thru' the kitchen windows obviously) the group realise that they are surrounded, their only hope of escape being to crawl thru' the air-conditioning vents and hopefully make it outside and go for help.



Unfortunately due to his love of pies Atun wont fit so has to stay behind.



On a plus side he is in a kitchen so he wont get bored.



And by that I mean he can search for knifes to defend himself, not that he can sit and stuff his face, I'm not that mean.



After a series of hits, misses and violent bitings the group get separated with Adrián, Koldo and Tita coming across a small a chapel where a group of guests have gathered after discovering that the possessed can't enter due to it being the house of God and any that try can be held back with holy water.



Which is pretty lucky.



As the group sit around waiting for help the PA system crackles to life and Clara's voice fills the room.



She has a message for Koldo, she knows he's alive and wants to tell him she loves him and that she's pregnant.



It's all go isn't it?

Bridezilla!

Empowered with both the knowledge that Clara is alive and that he's going to be a dad our hero grabs a nearby suit of armour - and sword - and alongside a member of the buildings staff heads out to rescue his true love.



Back in the mansions control room, Clara and the priest from her wedding ceremony are in hiding, luckily she's not been idle as she's been having a chat with the priest regarding the nature of the infection whilst idly reciting chapters from the book of Jude.



Which probably explains why Clara is so keen to escape and attempt to find Koldo.



Climbing out thru' a window, she soon bumps into Koldo's pal Rafa and her friend Natalie but the reunion is short lived as they are soon surrounded by the possessed.



As they turn to run Clara notices that all the possessed have the same reflection.



That of Nina Medeiros.



Our priestly pal holds the creatures back with the power of prayer as the others escape, which would be all well and good if Koldo hadn't just arrived at the control room to rescue everyone only to find it empty.



As he turns to leave he notices in horror (and in grainy B&W CCTV imaging) as the remaining survivors from the chapel being attacked by the infected as they attempt to escape by coach.



Behind him on the office TV a newsflash reports the quarantine of an apartment block in Barcelona due to a mysterious outbreak, amongst those trapped inside is reality TV reporter Angela Vidal.



Much fighting, running and blood drenched screaming ensues culminating with Clara - armed only with a chainsaw and a bad attitude - facing down the demons in the tunnels beneath the venue.



As she hacks and slashes her way to safety the couples favourite song blasts over the PA system, Koldo is in the main hall and is sending her a message, cue more running and rampaging as the pair are finally reunited in the kitchen.



Which means that they can at least share some wedding cake.



Every cloud etc.



Their reunion is short-lived however as a swarm (do demons swarm?) of possessed guests attempt to break in, only stopped at the last minute when the priest begins to recite Bible verses over the P.A.



Result.



Slowly the couple make their way to freedom.



Being a [REC] movie things can't end well tho' and Clara is suddenly attacked by Koldo's grandfather who, being deaf as a post, is immune to the verse, a quick thinking Koldo severs Clara's arm with the chainsaw in order to quell the infection before taking her in his arms and continuing toward the line of police surrounding the building.



As they approach the cordon Clara begins to vomit blood and a devastated Koldo takes her in his arms to share one final kiss as the armed team surrounding them shouts orders for him to move away.



With an I love you Clara viciously bites Koldo's tongue out before attacking the armed team, who respond by shooting the couple.



As they lie dying Clara and Koldo reach out to take each other's hands....

(Wisely) dispensing with the camcorder/found footage vibe 20 minutes in [REC] 3 is a blackly comic, cartoonish tour de force that adds a slick, sick slice of 80s Lamberto Bava/Dario Argento Demoni polish to the proceedings, alongside a hint of Wilson Yip's Bio-Zombie at times.



And is all the better for it.



This time around Paco Plaza is alone in the directorial chair (Jaume Balagueró is credited as creative producer) which means that not only must it be a wee bit more comfortable for him to be able to sit properly as opposed to on his creative partners lap but we also get to see which one of the duo enjoys the scares and which the humour as [REC] 3 is by far the funniest - and blackest - of the series with some scenes of comedy grue that give Evil Dead 2 a run for it's money.



Tho' not Army Of Darkness which is a shame but there you go.



Sprinkled with callbacks to the previous movies as well as some genuinely funny visual gags - my favourite being the appearance of a children’s entertainer named Sponge John - in order to get by copyright-infringement claims - who ends up stuck in the suit as he's naked underneath) alongside a good few punch the air moments this change of pace reinvigorates the franchise whilst adding a few seriously spooky new tropes to the Nina Medeiros legend, the scene where we discover that the possessed all share the same reflection being particularly chilling.



Plus the aforementioned Tino Casal cover version of Eloise is worth the ticket price alone.

Leticia Dolera - She follows me on X. Fact.

I unashamedly love [REC] 3 and you should too.



But there was to be no rest for the wicked (or possessed) because as all this wedding wrecking carnage was going down co-creator Jaume Balagueró was busy planning one last chapter in the [REC] saga.



And the return of Angela to the story.





[REC]4 : Apocalypse (2014, Spain)
Dir: Jaume Balagueró.
Cast: Manuela Velasco, Paco Manzanedo, Hector Colome, Ismael Fritschi, Críspulo Cabezas, Mariano Venancio, María Alfonsa Rosso, Carlos Zabala, Cristian Aquino, Emilio Buale, Paco Obregón and Javier Laorden.

Ángela suddenly awakes to find herself strapped to a table in a makeshift laboratory alongside the mysterious Doctor - is there any other kind? - Ginard (Obregón) who is testing her blood for signs of infection whilst questioning her on the events that unfolded in the apartment block.



Her memory hazy she's left alone as Ginard goes to consult his colleagues giving Ángela ample time to escape the lab coming across the hunky Guzman (Manzanedo) a surviving member of the extraction team and together the pair soon discover that they are on a boat miles from shore.



Apprehended by Doctor Ricarte (Colome) and his men he helpfully explains that they are a specialist team tasked with finding a cure for the virus and being out at sea means there's less chance of infecting the populance.



Which sounds pretty sensible if I'm honest.



Oh yes and he informs Angela that he blood is clear of infection.



Which is nice.

Your nan and her sexy lap dance yesterday.

To show that not all horror movie scientists are bad (yeah right) he introduces the duo to the ships captain Ortega (Venancio) - who it turns out is making his last voyage, that bodes well - alongside radio guy Nic (yet another Nick Frost alike Fritschi - I'm sure the casting director has a secret crush), who's a massive fan of Angela and swoons in her very presence.



Well he's only flesh and blood.



As a favour to his celebrity squeeze Nic attempts to recover the footage from Ángela's camera in order to help her remember what's happened but as he does so a power blackout caused by an oncoming storm hits the ship causing the cages holding monkeys infected with the virus to fail with one of them escaping.



The monkey, searching the kitchen for bananas attacks and infects the ship's cook who infects the ship's food supply, which in turn infects most of the crew.
This really doesn't bode well does it?



As you can imagine much boat-based carnage ensues culminating with Ricarte deciding to activate the "protocol" which will destroy the ship.



Just before he presses the big red 'blow shit up' button one of his assistants  informs him that they've recovered footage from Angela's camera showing  Medeiros infecting our heroine.



It seems so long ago.



Attempting to remove the slug via surgery, Ángela insists that she has no memory of the infection.

Jimmy Hill gettin' jiggy wid it.

Luckily before he can start to cut her open his assistant starts puking blood and attempts to bite him  which gives Ángela time to escape with Ricarte and his team quickly following in hot pursuit.



Well in a collection of lab coats and combat gear but you know what I mean.



His team attacked by the cook Ricarte hides in a storeroom only to be pounced on and bitten by Ángela in order to prove she's not infected.



Meanwhile Guzman, Lucas and Nic are busying themselves trying to restart the ships engines and find some weapons.



Tho' probably not in that order.



As they scan the rooms for the infected Nic discovers that Ángela is still alive and Guzman, being our designated hero type volunteers to go save her whilst Lucas and Nic head to the boiler room armed with a collection of hammers and a roll of duct tape.



Ricarte testing his own blood proves that Ángela was telling the truth but being a bad man is convinced that she is somehow masking the virus but as the conversation gets heated  Guzman bursts in.



It's not the happy reunion we all hoped for tho' as it turns out that during her rescue from the apartment Ángela passed the parasite onto (and into) him.



Obviously sick of all this plot heavy subterfuge and confusion Ricarte presses the ship self-destruct button and legs it to the lifeboats leaving Angela at the mercy of Guzman.

Rain in mah face.

With the surviving cast members all succumbing to the infected as the film rushes to its climax (the [REC] movies are nothing if short) we're soon back with  Nic who's found Ricarte covering in a lifeboat proclaiming to the world that Angela is as good as dead and only he will survive.

The thought of his fave celeb dying without signing his While You're Sleeping boxset is too much for Nic to bear so he promptly punches Ricarte into unconsciousness before rushing to Angela's aid armed only with a boat motor.

Which is a pretty good weapon when you think about it.

Surprisingly she's not too hard to find so the pair are soon making their way to the lifeboat only to be attacked by Guzman who is determined to re-infect Angela with the parasite (well she does have a prettier mouth) for, um, reasons but luckily thanks to a handy deep water fishing rod she is able to kill him/it/them before jumping into the sea as the boat explodes.

Phew.

As the pair swim to shore the demonic Parasite, throw from the boat in the explosion regains consciousness and lunges into a nearby fish's mouth.

Picking up directly from where [REC] 2 ended - and featuring a cameo from one of Koldo and Clara's wedding guests to boot - [REC) 4 is seen by many as an oh so slightly disappointing end to the saga and on first viewing you can kind of see why with the previous installments seeming to be leading toward something big, brash and, well, apocalyptic when effectively [REC] 4 is really a splice of Die Hard and Alien 3 on a boat.

With a wee pit of the original Resident Evil games thrown in for good measure.



The claustrophobic confines of the first two movies apartment block are replaced by the creaky ships corridors and the residents are now the ships crew and, following [REC] 3 we've moved away from the found footage genre into straight on horror thrills but it's still undeniably the same universe and it's genuinely exciting to see Angela back again.

Tightly edited, tautly plotted and with a scary roller-coaster of a final act it's a great little horror film, just not the balls-to-the-wall epic that the “Apocalypse” subtitle promised.

Which on further viewing is really not a bad thing, I mean yes it'd be great to see Spain overrun by the infected (and then maybe the world) but let's be honest with ourselves, it's been done before.

And the (relatively)  happy ending with Angela heading home to her apartment by taxi is fairly unique in horror terms.

And for a successful franchise of any kind to stretch itself and not just deliver the same old thing again to ever diminishing returns has to be applauded.

Manuela Velasco - High hair.

But if they do ever decide to make a fifth movie, the thought of a demonic parasite possessed shark flopping onto the beaches of Alicante vomiting infected fish blood onto passers by would be worth the admission price alone.



Well that and the sight of a bikini-clad, blood spattered Manuela Velasco fighting it off with a discarded swingball set obviously.



And if you're reading this Messrs Balagueró and Plaza you can have that for free.



So if you've never seen them - or had your fingers burned by the abysmal American remake "Quarantine" - then I suggest you do so immediately, grab a beer and some popcorn, turn off the lights and dive in.



I can't [REC]ommend them enough.



Sorry.

bad moon rising.

Thought I'd better have at least one certified classic in this years 31 Days of Horror and you can do much worse than this beauty.

Enjoy.

 

 

Messiah of Evil (AKA Dead People, 1973).

Dir: Willard Huyck and Gloria Katz.

Cast:  Michael Greer, Marianna Hill, Joy Bang, Anitra Ford, Royal Dano, Elisha Cook Jr., Charles Dierkop, Bennie Robinson and Walter Hill.

"They're coming here. They're waiting at the edge of the city. They're peering around buildings at night, and they're waiting. They waiting for you! And they'll take you one by one and no-one will hear you scream. No-one will hear you SCREAM!"

Our tale of terror opens with Walter Hill - director of The Warriors (no, really) sweatily running thru the narrow backstreets of Anytown USA in the dead of night, pursued by an unseen assailant before reaching a deserted corner and collapsing in a heap.

He probably had a vision from the future of the critical reaction he'd get for Geronimo: An American Legend which, to be fair would floor anyone.

Suddenly the gate of a nearby yard opens and a young horse-faced girl pops out and takes Walter's hand leading him into the yard and to the swimming pool where he splashes his face in an attempt to calm himself.

As he turns to thank the girl she pulls out a cut-throat razor and - yes - cuts his throat. 

Ouch.

"Howdy neigh-bour!"

And with that we jump (cinematically not literally mind) to the local insane asylum, where we find Arletty (Hill from Blood Beach, The Baby and High Plains Drifter among other classics), a young woman who was found wandering the highway after she'd gone missing searching for her estranged father.

And so begins our story good and proper (via wibbly wobbly flashback effects) with Arletty traveling to the beach-side town of Point Dune before stopping for directions at a local gas station where broken nosed attendant Bob (Dierkop from Star Trek) nervously fills her tank (ooeerr) before warning her away.

As she drives off a blood red pick up arrives, driven by a scary albino bloke (Robinson, father of Anne) and filled with corpses.

It'll come as no surprise to find that Bob soon joins them.

Arriving in town Arletty soon settlles in to her dad's frankly fantastically decorated beachfront house - filled as it is with wall to wall murals of people, streets scenes and even a painting of an escalator with the whole thing set off with a floating bed (on chains) in the middle of the main room.

Seriously the house is literally a character in it's own right, kudos to art director (and brother-in-law of David Lynch) Jack Fisk, he of Phantom of The Paradise, Mulholland Drive and Playstation 2: The Third Place fame (among others) - probably one of the most incredible production designers ever AND he's married to Sissy Spacek.

No I'm not jealous at all.

Anyway, back to the film where, after speaking with a local (blind) art dealer and her camp/creepy son, Arletty is told that a visiting art collector and suave man about town named Thom (Greer from The Gay Deceivers and the Don Johnson starrer The Magic Garden of Stanley Sweetheart) has also been inquiring into the whereabouts of her father in order to not only buy some of his work but learn more about the towns dark past and legends.

Seems legit.

And with that she heads to the local motel to pay him a visit, where she finds Thom sprawled across a bed with his two female 'companions', Toni and Laura (Unwell favourite, star of Night of The Cobra Woman and Peggy Lee Brennan alike Bang alongside Invasion of The Bee Girls star Ford) who are busying themselves drinking and smoking as the local homeless man Charlie (screen stalwart Cook Jr. who) recounts the horrible history of Point Dune.

 

Those parties your mum and dad used to have when they sent you to bed early.

Overpowered by the combine stench of Thom's aftershave and Charlie's piss-stained trousers Arletty makes her excuses and leaves only to be cornered by Charlie in the stairwell where he informs her that her father is still alive, but that he has changed and that that if she loves him, she must kill him and burn his body. 

Which is nice.

And with that Arletty goes to do a wee bit of shopping leaving poor Charlie to be butchered (to death) offscreen.

 

Thom: He's got something to put in you.

 

Returning to her dads house later that afternoon and with a huge baguette under her arm Arletty is surprised to find not just Thom but also his lady friends laid out on the sofa and scoffing all her biscuits.

This odd turn of events gives Thom ample opportunity to attempt to persuade Arletty to let him have a fiddle in her pants which in turn gives Laura a reason to jealously storm out of the house and hitch a ride into town with Mr albino eventually ending up in an empty supermarket where she's stalked around the shelves before being overpowered by and eaten by the townsfolk in the fabric conditioner section.

"Are you local?"

Back at the house Thom and Arletty are busy reading her dads diaries for more information on the blood moon, whilst Toni sits about complaining smoking and flashing her arse at anyone who cares to notice.

But all this bum baiting and book reading is cut short when the local police turn up to inform Arletty that her dads body has been found on the beach, crushed under the collapsed remains of a childrens climbing frame.

 

Joy Bang: Arse.

 

Aretty is not convinced tho' as her dad had well manicured hands and the corpse has big fat sausage fingers and with that her and Thom decide to search for him down the back of the sofa whilst Toni decides to go into town to watch a movie.

In this case the 1974 western Gone with the West.

Sitting alone in the cinema Toni fails to notice as the townfolk - all bleeding from one eye - slowly and silently take their seats around her, waiting for the film to end before circling her and eating her whole.*

 

As night falls the blood moon rises and the remaining town's residents transform into flesh hungry ghouls, Arletty and Thom listen intently to a recording of Charlie retelling the story of a literal Messiah of Evil who visited the town a century before - a former minister and a Donner Party survivor who arrived to proclaim a new religion as the moon turned blood red and the townsfolk began hungering for human flesh before walking into the ocean vowing to return this very night to lead his flock to freedom.

And with that Thom realises that Toni is missing and heads out to save her, soon finding himself dodging cannibalistic townies and riot police as the whole town is quickly engulfed by carnage and bri-nylon slacked ghouls.  

 A wee bit like Dudley town centre on a Saturday night.

Back at the house Arletty is (finally) visited by her father, who begs her to leave and warn the world about Point Dune's curse before attempting to kill her as his cannibalistic urges take control.

Arletty responds by stabbings him with a pair of rusty garden shears before setting fire to him just as Thom returns. 

But it appears to be too late for Arletty, as she's already bleeding from her eye,  complaining about being unable to feel pain or the cold and puking up worms but Thom is convinced he can save her so the pair head out toward the coast in the hope of evading the townsfolk and finding help.... 

 

Most famous for appearing on a marquee in the Woody Allen film Annie Hall, Willard Huyck and Gloria Katz's classic Messiah of Evil is, alongside Carnival of Souls, one of the greatest low budget horror shockers of all time.

Mixing the haunting feel of Edgar Allan Poe with the cosmic horrors of HP Lovecraft and undead vibes of George A Romero the pair deliver a film that is as surreal and disturbing as it is scarily unsettling.

Even some of the 'non'-performances from certain members of the cast seem to suit the whole wild endeavor and the set design, lighting and art direction rival Mario Bava at his best at times.

Seriously it's that good.

Supermarket Sweep.

Playing out like some drug induced fever dream, the films lack of logic and reason only adds to it's impact and its influence can be found in everything from Twin Peaks to The League of Gentlemen with its 'special stuff' obsessed face bleeding towns folk and stilted almost stage performances and the aforementioned cinema scene, alongside Laura's stalking thru' the supermarket are two of the most effective and unnerving scenes in horror history.

What more can I say?

If you've not seen it, go watch it now and thank me later.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

*No they don't spit that bit out.

head boy.

 

 

This has been sitting on my shelf for years when I suddenly realised I'd never seen it before so thought what better time to review it than for this years 31 Days of Horror?

 

 

All I can say to you is keep away from the skull of the Marquis de Sade!

 

The Skull (1965).

Dir: Freddie Francis.

Cast: Peter Cushing, Patrick Wymark, Christopher Lee, Jill Bennett, Nigel Green, Patrick Magee, Peter Woodthorpe, Michael Gough, George Coulouris, April Olrich and Maurice Good.

Our terrifying tale opens in a fog-filled graveyard somewhere in France (well I say somewhere but it's actually Épernon which lies some 27 kilometres northeast of Chartres, at the confluence of the Drouette and the Guesle, fact fans) in the year 1814 - tho' that might just be the time - where full-time phrenologist and part-time Tom Jones impersonator Pierre Soontodie (Good, Phineas Clanton himself from that 60s Doctor Who classic The Gunfighters) is busying himself exhuming the corpse of that well-known perv-miester Donatien Alphonse François - AKA Marquis de Sade in order to study his skull for signs of mentalism.

 No really.

Heading back home with the head in a bin bag Pierre is surprised to discover his sexy shouldered yet unfortunately unnamed mistress (Olrich whose biggest roles were as a party guest in Supergirl and as the bespectacled beauty Desiree in the 70s TeeVee 'classic' Roberts Robots) sprawled across his bed scoffing marshmallows.

Tho' to be honest I'd be pretty surprised to find myself in this situation seeing as although the recipe for marshmallows was invented by the ancient Egyptians, the weren't produced in their present form until 1850.

And it's this blatant disregard for historical accuracy that obviously causes him to push the Parisian strumpet aside and head straight into his makeshift laboratory to clean the skull of all its flesh. 

Three bags of marshmallows later and his French fancy is still sprawled across the bed awaiting the attentions of Pierre when she notices plumes of strange coloured smoke emanating from under the laboratory door and being curious/bored/French/ decides to investigate only to find her lover drowned in the same vat of liquids he used to clean the skull as the skull itself peers (as skulls do) from a nearby shelf...

Bloody Hell it's Fred Titmuss!

 Jumping forward to the present(ish) day (well 1965 so technically the past, spooky) we soon find ourselves - as in we're watching on the screen not in a Star Trek transporter type way, you get the idea - in a stuffy auction house where Michael Gough (obviously with an afternoon free) is refereeing a bidding war 'tween the eminent occult expert Dr. Christopher Maitland (Cushing) and the slightly less-eminent occult collector Sir Matthew Phillips as they battle to see who will spend the most cash on a set of four knock-off Gorillaz figures.

Phillips, being richer than Maitland - and it seems in a trance - wins out, paying double what the figures are actually worth yet seems to have no recollection of doing so and on that bombshell goes home leaving Maitland to drown his sorrows with the dodgy antique dealer Anthony Marco (genre stalwart Wymark) well known around the antique/occult circuit for acquiring rare items by any means necessary (including theft and probably offering sweet, sweet kisses) who offers him a rare book bound in human flesh (but not that one) for a princely £100 and a packet of Haribo.

"Can you see my bra?"

 

The book, it seems, is a complete horrible history of the Marquis and his erotically charged occult shenanigans and just to prove the point we get a spooky flashback to see what became of the marshmallow munching MILF from earlier when Pierre's solicitor, Dr. Londe (Coulouris from loads of stuff) turns up to sort out the dead mans affairs.

Oh and after seeing the skull on the shelf, stab the lady to death.

Maitland is understandably  intrigued by the book and excitedly hands over the cash but Marco has an ace up his sleeve.

And by that I mean the actually skull in question, in a Londis bag under his jacket.

And he's willing to part with it for a grand.

Or maybe even 500 quid.

Bargain.

Unfortunately Maitland isn't convinced (I mean let's be honest, most skulls look the same, except mine obviously seeing as I have a fucking huge head) so decides to discuss the proposition with Phillips that very night over their weekly billiards game.

"Put it in me!"

Fiddling self-consciously with his balls Phillips admits to Maitland that the skull is in fact the genuine article as Marco actually stole it from him in the first place but is reluctant to press charges as the skull had spooky powers that took him over and compelled him to purchase over-priced statues at the auction and the like in order to stage a demonic sacrifice style ritual over the next few days.

Sounds legit.

Anyway Phillips is convinced that the evil entity residing in the skull is the same force that compelled the Marquis de Sade to commit all that bad stuff and pleads with Maitland not to buy it.

Now convinced that the skull is worth having, Maitland heads home to prepare a space on the shelf and to take a deeper dive into the Marquis only to be disturbed (during a particularly juicy bit) by a knock on the door. 

Maitland answers only to be confronted by two (tiny) fedora wearing besuited blokes (less men in black more blokes from Barnardos)  who roughly arrest him before bunging him in the back of a police car and driving him to a big house where he's forced to play Russian Roulette by a grinning judge as the walls close in around him and acrid smoke appears from nowhere.

Tho' to be far compared to some of the stuff the police get up to in the UK (I'm still looking at you Lesbian Nana - among others) Maitland gets off lightly.

A Lesbian Nana licking piss off John Nettles yesterday.

 

Suddenly Maitland wakes with a scream, yup it was all a dream but somehow he's woken in Marco's flat (and his trousers are on backwards) so without further ado he sneaks out and hurries home to explain his bedtime absence to his permanently bewildered wife Jane (button-nosed Bennett)and to get the cash to finally buy the skull.

Unfortunately when he returns (again) he finds Marco dead behind the door so quickly hides the skull in a cupboard to collect later before calling the police - who arrive in the form of cult favourites Patrick (WINE?) McGee and Nigel (Jason and the Argonauts, Zulu, Tobruk and The Ipcress File) Green - who conclude that Marco was killed (to death) by a wild dog or a very angry stoat due to his throat being ripped out.

Dirty nailed landlord Bert (Woodthorpe, the voice of Pigsy in Monkey) disagrees with this tho' seeing as he doesn't allow pets in the house.

Which is fair enough I guess.

Not that his opinion matters much seeing as later that night when he returns to retrieve the skull Maitland accidentally kills Bert by pushing him over a banister.

He then heads home to keep watch over the skull in order to see what funny japes it'll get up to.

Cue twenty (very) odd minutes of Cushing gurning and screaming whilst trying to stab his sleeping wife as the skull attempts to possess him...

 

It is you know.

 

With a plot (from Robert Bloch's - very - short story "The Skull of the Marquis de Sade") stretched almost to breaking point by producer-screenwriter Milton Subotsky, The Skull is a lean, mean and genuinely nightmarish (at times) thriller that for the most part relies solely on the acting prowess of Cushing (and a couple of really cool 'skulls eye view' moments) to keep the viewers entertained.

And incredibly it works.

A modern - for the time - British-based gothic horror that isn't afraid to channel the likes of classics such as The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari alongside the then current trend for psychological horror over the supernatural (before cheekily melding the two) to produce a taut and terrifying little thriller that's a forgotten gem in the Amicus crown.

Plus it's a nice wee change of pace to the usual Amicus anthology 'orrors.

 

Eye son.

 

Fantastically - and simply -  staged and with fantastic cinematography - the skulls eye view scene are a particularly creepy stand out - whilst Freddie Francis' direction is never better add to that the music by Elisabeth Lutyens' (the first female British composer to score a feature film, fact fans) and you have a perfect example of British gothic horror at it's finest.