Friday, February 29, 2008

1984 and all that.

Thought I'd gone back in time this morning after hearing the news that big chinned Tory MP Julian Brazier announced that 'Explicit and extreme video games and films are fueling a tide of violence in Britain' and that MPs should have more of a say over appointments to the board of British Board of Film Classification and its guidelines.

Brazier: looks like a pervert.

Power mad Mr Brazier wants MPs to be able to trigger an appeal against BBFC decisions to restore cut footage or lower a classification of film and during a recent Commons debate, he cited the example of the previously banned SS Experiment Camp (again, what year is this Julian?) - which was re-examined by the BBFC and released in 2005.

"The film shows in voyeuristic detail women being tortured to death by SS camp guards," he said, obviously assuming that it was a documentary and not as we all know a badly made Italian exploitation epic from 1976.

On the subject of the French 'arthouse' classic Irreversible, he added "If this is not glamorising rape then it is difficult to imagine what would be."

He then told MPs, whilst foaming at the mouth and stamping his fist on his desk like the jumped up little Hitler he is that: "The growth in violent offences is linked to the growing availability in the media of extremely violent and explicitly sexual material."

Obviously he has no evidence to back this up but thought it sounded good.

Vaz: Ambulance chasing vulture.

Unsurprisingly he was backed by tragedy jumping Labour MP Keith Vaz, who represents a seat in Leicester where the mother of 14-year-old murder victim publicly attributed his death to his killer's 'obsession' with the Manhunt video game - although the trial judge (and police) did not confirm her view, blaming robbery.

Vaz is particularly concerned about video games (particularly if they can get him column inches and re-elected), arguing they were different from films because they are "interactive".

"When they plan with these things they are able to interact, they can shoot people, they can kill people, they can rape women and that's what is so wrong about the situation we have at the moment."

As we all know, you can't actually 'kill' people in games because it's not real.

A fake death scene from a film: not real.

Luckily the comedy genius of John Whittingdale, chairman of the Commons culture, media and sport select committee is here to raise a giggle.

He said he had been 'lent' a copy of SS Experiment Camp (right, like it's not his own) but dismissed it as a "truly dreadful film".

He explained: "It is what is called Italian Schlock (is it? is it really? or are you just making words up now to look cool and hip you sad misguided man) and many people will find it offensive because of the subject matter, because it involves Nazis and extermination camps".

Do you think he figured that out from the title?

I have to say there is not a single scene in that film that I could argue should be banned. "Actually the scenes of so-called torture and the scenes of sex are mild compared to anything you can go and see today in the Odeon down the road."

What? anything? even in kids films? and Rambo? even tho' the Odeon aren't showing it? Generalization? Never!

However, he did say he was concerned about big budget "torture porn" films like the Saw and Hostel series of films, which he said should have been cut "more than they were" even tho' he admitted he hadn't seen them.

Mr Brazier's bill has cross-party support but would need the government's backing to become law.

Let's pray to God he gets hit by a bus before then.

Wednesday, February 27, 2008

my real dad?

The legendary Ted Chippington.


Tuesday, February 26, 2008

a few new additions... the creaking Unwell shelves.....Yup it's true, I do judge a film by it's cover.









Scarily there are more to come...

Wednesday, February 20, 2008

disturbing toys (part 1).


Not even I own these.

croc o' vile.

With the release of creepy croc shocker Black Water this weekend (and with John Sayles bombing around Glasgow during the film festival) I thought I'd share the Unwell top ten fave killer croc/angry alligator movies.....


Barbara Bach vs. a big Alligator:
But which is the most leathery?

Did it eat her whole or spit it out?

Sonne, strand blut indeed Mr. Lister!

The maniac is the poor sod who funded
this Tobe Hooper abomination.

Could any film live up to this poster?

And this one.

This gave me nightmares for weeks.

Well, that's one more sequel than
List got.

It's a croc!
It's a dinosaur!
and it's from Roger Corman!
How can it not be great?

And I bet no-one bothered to ask him about this (or The Howling and Piranha) at his talk at the GFT.


Best giant gator movie ever. FACT.

Sayle: of the century.

Thursday, February 14, 2008

holy warhola batman!

Andy Warhol and Nico as Batman and Robin from Esquire Magazine in 1967.




Tuesday, February 12, 2008

a little less conversation....

For Your Height Only (1981)
Dir: Eddie Nicart
Cast: Weng Weng, Yehlen Catral, Carmi Martin, Mike Cohen, Anna Marie Gutierrez and Beth Sandoval.


"How did that midget find out about our operation? That little Weng could put us out of business!"

Whilst visiting the Philippines (no doubt for cheap crack and, sorry for a 'science conference') the brilliant (at what I don't know) and bearded Professor Bertie 'Van' Kohler, inventor of the terrifying 'N' bomb is kidnapped by an evil group of pimp shirted bad men and held to ransom by the notorious Mr. Giant.

At times of crisis the world calls on one man, the Philippines top secret agent codenamed: 'Agent 00'; a martial arts expert, weapons specialist, randy romancer, smart dressed lady killer and all-around honest to goodness superhero wrapped in a tiny package topped off with a Dario Argento moptop.

Arriving at Spy HQ, Agent 00 (Weng Weng) receives his orders and his top gadgets from 'The Boss' (not Bruce Springsteen, but a jovial, chubby pervy old uncle figure) who appears obsessed with Wengs ability to listen to him without interrupting.


And oh boy what gadgets!

Not only does he have a radio controlled flying straw hat but also a fountain pen which kills
("Of course. It isn't any good if you need to write with it, but we can't have everything." explains his boss sadly) and a ring which can detect poison!

Let's not forget his big belt which 'has useful things in it', a mini machine gun, a jet pack and, best of all a pair of huge glasses that enable him to see thru' ladies clothes!

Weng manages to infiltrate Mr. Giant’s gang by stripping off his shirt and wiggling his HUGE erect nipples in front of a sexy lady whilst muttering the immortal chat up line: “Hey, do you want to do it?”


The rest of the movie is a fantastic mish mash of hair raising stunts (usually involving Weng jumping off buildings using an umbrella as a parachute or jumping over hills on a mini motorbike), Weng dancing to hot disco hits to impress a gaggle of Filipino chicks and our pint sized hero chasing polyester panted (and shiny shirted) bad guys with his flying hat.

After all this action (and more hot loving), Weng makes his way to the villains hide out, eliminating most of his henchmen thru' a mix of hot lead and punches to the happy sacks before confronting Mr. Giant himself......who isn't a giant at all......HE'S A MIDGET TOO!!!!!


The best film ever made? quite possibly.

Probably the world's greatest action hero, Weng Weng made a further two Agent 00 movies, The Impossible Kid and Da Best in The West.


The Impossible Kid sees Weng Weng transferred to the Manila branch of Interpol and sent in pursuit of the notorious Mr X, a super villain whose head is covered by a giant white sports sock whilst Da Best in The West has Weng and sexy sidekick Gordon investigating the murder of Santa Monica’s mayor. This movie has one of the greatest climaxes of all time, featuring as it does Weng armed with a Gatling gun mowing down hundreds of Mexican bandits whilst a tribe of dwarf tribesmen launch a counter attack with bows and arrows.

You NEED these.

Monday, February 11, 2008

between the covers.

A couple of 70's paperbacks that would make fantastic movies.






sexy at seventy?

Catwoman Julie Newmar celebrates her 70th birthday in style.


people you shouldn't fancy but do.....(part 2)

Cruella De Ville.

Sunday, February 10, 2008

why does my blog keep getting.....


Is Keith Vaz reading it?

jesus of the future?


From a 1939 issue of Vanity Fair.

Monday, February 4, 2008

the worlds sexiest undies?

Could be.