Friday, May 29, 2009


With Professor X was looking after our mutant offspring we decided to take in a romantic movie and a few drinks this week.

And obviously you can't get anymore romantic than this:


Yup, our local arthouse cinema was showing Dario Argento's version of ABBA's Dancing Queen as part of it's Italian Film Festival and rumors abounded of it being a brand new shiny print!

Smoking and chatting excitedly outside (whilst obviously being pass remarkable about some of the fashions surrounding us and the fact that someone had felt the need to show their superior Argento fan-ness by wearing a, gulp, Creepers t-shirt) we came across our friend (and fellow Eurotrash enthusiast) Skinny John.

It appeared, according to John's sources that we were about to view a BRAND NEW uncut, recoloured and polished by the director himself copy of the movie!

Oh and he also pointed out that he has tickets to the UK premiere of Giallo and that I do not.


Anyway, we took our seats (mine was dedicated to Wet wet Wet) and waited eagerly for the movie to start.

Imagine our surprise (made worse by general audience apathy) when the curtains opened to reveal a scratchy burnt out BBFC title card informing us that the following film had been rated 'X'.

So much for the brand new print, the one they were showing appeared to have been hidden in a bin behind The Scala, left there when the debt collectors raided.

A shiny new print of Suspiria yesterday.

The one we saw on Wednesday night.

Always seeing the best in situations I commented how exciting it was to experience the movie in the same way as those who saw it on it's original release did and Rollie (Mrs. Unwell) agreed.

John on the other hand saw it a wee bit differently.

Especially at the twelve minute mark when part of the first murder appeared to be missing from the print, engulfed in a haze of scratches and pops.

"I am furious!" he shouted at anyone who'd listen "I am not paying good money to see cut Argento!"

And with that he left.

John: Furious.

which is a pity really, because you don't often get to see Argento on the big screen (albeit surrounded by people who appeared to be expecting an Italian version of Billy Elliot) and as far as I'm concerned a choppy, croppy 70's print is better than nothing.

Saying that tho', Sarah's death by piano wire was slashed to ribbons and missing it's denouement (an unforgivable crime - the cuts not the murder obviously, she deserved it) which frankly put me on edge for the rest of the movie, spending far too much time looking for cuts meaning that I couldn't fully appreciate Udo Kier's lovely flyaway hair in the next scene.

But all things considered you have to take your hat off to the lovely cinema staff for even considering showing the movie in the first place and inadvertantly taking us oldies back to the halcyon days of the video nasty bill, when you'd pay a fiver down the market for a copy of Bloody Moon, not knowing if it was a first or nth generation copy or even a dodgy Swedish animal erotica in a badly photostatted cover.

And for reviving those memories I thank you.

Thursday, May 21, 2009

poorly lamb.

Sorry for the lack of updates recently, I've been unwell.

Normal service will resume as soon as possible (or as soon as I can get the stains of shame from my bedsheets).

Sunday, May 3, 2009

ahead warp factor bun....

To celebrate the release of JJ Abrams re-jigged Star Trek, we present a collection of absolutely shite Star Trek themed cakes.