people you fancy but shouldn't (part 10)

Sally the Porsche from Cars.....it must be the sleek, yet sexy curves coupled with that doe eyed innocence and vulnerability.

holy matrimony.

Well, it works for me (tho' I must admit to finding the post Killing Joke Babs Gordon much hotter).

people you fancy but shouldn't (part 9)

Ultramom, the Mother of Ultraman (but that's kinda obvious really).

shiry birry.

The original review of this classic Japanasty appears to have gone walkabout but never mind, here's a brand spanking new (yet surprisingly short for me) one!

You lucky people.

Junk: Evil Dead Hunting (Junk: Shiry Gari 2000)
Dir: Atsushi Murago
Cast: Nobuyuki Asano, the lovely Miwa, Kaori Shimamura, Shû Ehara, Tate Gouta, Natsuki Ozawa, Koutarou Tanaka and some other folk.

Junk? font more like.

Super sultry yet stony faced fox Saki (Shimamura, clothes shedding star of XX: Beautiful Beast and Moon Angel) and Akira (big faced 'Score' bad boy Ehara) are (the more interesting and well rounded) members of a groovy gang of joke shop masked jewelery thieves who's recent spate of high profile robberies have been bought to the attention of the mysterious Mr. Ramon (Ehara, another star of Score), the local (very well dressed) Yakuza crime lord.

"here come the Belgians!"

Deciding to meet up with Mr. Mafia at a local deserted warehouse, our criminal chums are slightly surprised to discover that this is also the location of a top secret research laboratory where fiendishly diabolical experiments to bring the recently dead back to life (using the patented formula DNX) are taking place.

I mean, what are the chances of that?


Doctor in charge, the beleaguered Jun (Asano, in his first -and only- starring role) has become obsessed with re-animating corpses since his ball headed wife, Kyoko (the mysterious Miwa, star of the cross gendered classic Sukeban Boy) died suddenly a few months before and reckons that if he can get the formula to work, his wife will come back as good as new.

And in no way hungry for human flesh.

"Blood in mah mooth!"

It comes as no surprise to find that:

A. Jun's wonder drug does, in fact work.

...but...

B. There is a (fairly) serious drawback in that it does indeed turn the newly re-animated dead into flesh crazed monsters.

Cue lots of screaming (tho' it's mainly from Saki complaining about various men or the trouble she's having trying to buy a new car - it's good to get your priorities right), various gangsta types running about crying and a couple of Saki's pals becoming the main course in a full on zombie feast.

"Laugh nooooooooooooooow!"

Will Saki and her big bag of cash make it out the warehouse in one piece?

Will Kyoko strip down to only a pair of thigh high leather boots and indulge in a wee bit of high kicking undead action?

And more importantly will Saki ever get the deal she deserves on a new motor?

Jeremy Beadle returns.....

Let's be honest here, when a film has a title like 'Junk: Evil Dead Hunting' you pretty much know what to expect really and Atsushi Muroga, the man who gave us the lo-fi heist/high mantenance mullet movie 'Score!' and the Elvis haired Sergio Leone tribute Blowback 2 certainly delivers the goods.

With his trademark mix of brash bad boy burglars and robberies gone wrong in place, Muroga has decided that this time round he's gonna add a bunch of hungry undead (led by a topless zombie queen no less), some cheap n' cheerful gore effects, horror cinema's grumpiest ever heroine and a squad of top marines straight out of Aliens to the recipe.

And what we end up with is a movie that is loud, silly and (oh so) slightly sexy in equal (and vaguely schizophrenic) measures.


What more can I say other than it's utterly shite Friday night trash cinema at its best.

having the painters in.

Just to let everyone know that over the next few weeks I'll be 're-imagining' The Arena, artexing over a few of the less amusing posts (that'll be most of them then), re-jigging a few of the earlier reviews (from 'this film is good. See it' to 'this film is good -arse reference-. See it') and generally trying to appeal to the masses in an ill advised attempt at credibilty.

You have been warned.

"This'll never cover all that blood hen!"

things i've received from readers (part 1).

As well as the usual messages of abuse (hundreds), screener discs (well, i've received one so far), links to films I should watch (and yes whoever you are, I'll get round to reviewing Gayracula as soon as) and threats of legal action, I sometimes get emailed nice stuff too (yes I know that sounds surprising).

Occasionally tho' I receive something so unexpected it scares even me.

This happened last week.

Yes, that's right, I was sent five scans of Anna Paquin's granny panted arse along with the message "Are these yours?".

Not much else I can add really.