Sunday, August 2, 2009

the gore the merrier.

Catching up on dozens of draft reviews here so stick with me as I unblock my B movie back passage.

It may get a wee bit messy.

Anyways, you've prolly all seen this gem by now but for those who haven't I'll not give too much away.

For a change.

Tōkyō Zankoku Keisatsu (AKA Tokyo Gore Police, 2008)
Dir: Yoshihiro Nishimura.
Cast: Eihi Shiina, Itsuji Itao, Yukihide Benny, Ikuko Sawada, Jiji Bū, Tak Sakaguchi, Keisuke Horibe, Shun Sugata and Cherry Kirishima.

Welcome to Tokyo of the near future where the police force has been privatized, turning your average copper into a Samurai style armoured-clad killing machine more interested in wholesale slaughter (and bizarre facial expressions) than old-styled policing.

Dixon of Dock Green it ain't.

If that wasn't scary enough the city streets are teeming with bizarre 'engineers', mad as spanners mutant killers who can grow bio-morphic weapons (and huge cocks) when attacked.

Such an unusual enemy needs a special kind of police officer (clad in tiny skirts, knee high boots and suspenders in some cases) to battle them, specially trained in the art of butchering big burley beast things.

The best of the bunch is the doll like Ruka (the yumsome Shiina from Takashi Miike’s Audition), sexy as hell (in a kinda mad bird way) with a dark, tragic past, a penchant for self harm and a love of sword fighting.

Plus she looks great in a kimono.

The perfect girl if I'm honest.


Being so successful at her job has made Ruka quite a few enemies, the most dangerous of which is the notorious Key Man ( Itao from The Great Yokai War and Death Note: The Last Name), the loopy scientist actually responsible for the creation of the engineers in the first place (accidentally I must add, you know how it is with these science types) who is intent on infecting the general population (well, ponytailed schoolgirl hookers and pube haired Yakuza types mainly) by inserting a fleshy 'key' into their arms.

Which is nice and kinda make sense of his name too.

As the Key Man’s reign of terror continues unabated, Ruka’s investigation's lead her to realize that her past and that of the Key Man are inexorably linked by a distant tragedy.

Oh, and lots of yucky bodily fluids obviously.

Your mum, sister and gran earlier today.

What can you say about TGP that hasn't been said a million times before (and in Japanese, natch)?

FX God Yoshihiro (Machine Girl, Meatball Machine) Nishimura certainly delivers the icky sticky goods when it comes to sick and twisted fun, whether your tastes lie with giant machine gun penises, living femi-chairs that rain gallons of piss over rapt audiences, schoolgirl mutants with acid spraying breasts or half (sexy) laydee/half crocodile women there's something for the whole family here.

But luckily for us, Nishimura manages to hold the whole thing together with some semblance of a plot.

And a very entertaining one to boot.

So wrong, yet strangely so very, very right.

Bit best of all are the random infoblips squeezed in between the heartbreaking storyline and copius nude scenes; fast, furious and funny as fuck fake adverts ranging from right wing police propaganda to ads for designer self harm knives and the best sword for committing hara kari.

Try to imagine, if you will, a well made Robocop or a wavy Davy Cronenberg film with a budget of twenty quid and a sense of humour to match and you're halfway there.

And at the centre of it all is the utterly yummylicious Eihi Shiina, all long legs, waif-like looks and carrying a big sword, spouting stilted videogame dialogue whilst fighting a quadraplegic bondage monster in a gimp mask.

What's not to love?

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