Thursday, May 24, 2012


Can't give too much away cos it'd kill the movie quicker than a very violent, quick thing and frankly it's worth a looksie.

And not just for Ania Bukstein's thighs and peachy arse.

Kalevet (AKA Rabies). 2010.
Dir: Aharon Keshales & Navot Papushado.
Cast: Lior Ashkenazi, Danny Geva, Liat Har Lev, Ran Danker, Menashe Noy, Ofer Shechter, Yaron Motola, Yael Grobglas, Henry David, Efrat Boimold and Ania Bukstein.

Nothing like starting a story in the middle, which is where we start here with beaky babe Tali (Lev) trapped in a hole in the middle of the woods.

Peering down at her thru' a makeshift letterbox, her hunky brother Ofer (David) desperately tries to reassure her that everything's gonna be OK.

Which she'd probably believe if she hadn't spent the previous evening being chase by an overall wearing mentalist sporting the best perm this side of Kevin Keegan.

Intent on finding help Ofer races thru' the forest to a nearby road where he's promptly run over by a car full of  teen tennis stars on their way to match.

Isn't that always the way?

Apologies for the lack of funny captioning but all I can think of is Ania Bukstein's milky thighs. Sorry.

Driver Mikey (Action Man haired hunk Danker) reckons they should call for help whilst his ratty pal Pini (Shechter, channelling a young Andy Serkis) thinks they should drive on and concentrate on more important things, which in this case is their lustings over blonde poppet Shir (Israel's very own Scarlett Johansson and star of We The Kings video for their hit single 'Say You Like Me', Grobglas).

However, it looks like they're gonna have to compete for Shir's affections with their pounty brunette buddy, the yumsome Adi (star of the hit Yiddish teevee show The Arbitrator, Bukstein), who also has a crush on Shir.

 And I know which pair I'd rather see making out.

Being heroic types the guys head into the forest with the by now barely conscious Ofer to help save his sister, while the girls stay with the car and call the police.

Unfortunately for them, the nearest officers are the nice but dim Danny
(Ashkenazi) and his partner, the woman hating would-be rapist Yuval (Israel's very own Vincent Cassel, the fantastic Geva) and both are having a particularly bad day.

Oh dear.

"Fancy a wee bit o' mooth shite-ing brother?"

Meanwhile in the woods, lovable park ranger Menashe (the instantly likeable Noy) is busying himself tagging foxes and stuffwhilst trying to sort things out with his young lover Rona (Boimold, best known for her role as Noa Shachar in the musical drama series HaShir Shelanu, but no doubt you knew that), little realising that their lives are soon to become entangled with the increasingly bizarre events taking place in the forest surrounding them.

"Put it in me!....Oh hang on, you already did!"

From first time writers/directors Keshales and Papushado, Kalevet surprisingly doesn't feature any foaming mouthed beasts, viral outbreaks or sweaty men panicking near water, so I assume the title is some kind of metaphoric thing to do with man's inhumanity to man or something, which is fairly highbrow for here.

Part domestic drama, part horror shocker and part (very) black comedy, Kalevet is breath of fresh air in a quickly stagnating cave of the 'horror realism' genre, butting such overwrought shite as Kill List to shame.

With it's perfect performances, tight as your wee sister script and an air of brutal confidence rarely seen by first time directors Kalevet is quite frankly unmissable.

And not just because of Ania Bukstein.

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