Monday, July 30, 2012

dead air.

After nigh on 25 years I've decided to get re-acquainted with an old friend.

Well I say friend.

The Video Dead (1987).
Dir: Robert Scott
Cast: Michael St. Michaels, Thaddeus A. Golas, Sam David McClelland, Al Millan, Roxanna Augesen, Lory-Michael Ringuette, Jennifer Miro, Rocky Duvall and Vickie Bastel.


"You don't understand he likes to go into the woods and try to mate with skunks only skunks don't like to mate with poodles so they spray him and then he really gets turned on!"



Gin soaked writer Henry Jordan (St. Michaels best known for his portrayal as the  Inter-Security Guard in the Mrs. Z episode of Diff'rent Strokes) awakes from his piss stained sleep one morn to find that a television set has been delivered to his house without him ever remembering ordering one.

But saying that, from the state of the arse on his trousers he doesn't remember when he last wiped his backside either.

Realizing that a free teevee means a daily dose of luscious Lorraine Kelly he readily accepts, only to discover that the sole programme the television picks up is a tedious black and white zombie movie excitedly entitled "Zombie Blood Nightmare".

 Which is nice, if a wee bit harder to wank over.

Lorraine: Kind hearted, problem solving MiLF muck bucket.


Despite his best attempts to turn off the teevee (even going as far as to unplug it), the set keeps broadcasting, bring the undead ever closer to the screen till one day, in a bravado display of torchlight and fag smoke the Zombies manifest in the real world.

Spooky.

Would you believe it? Turns out that the dopey delivery men had delivered the set to the wrong address, it was meant to go to the Institute for Paranormal Research next door!

Not that it does Henry any good seeing as the pair find him tied up in the hallway of his house decked out in a party hat and rubber galoshes.

And  dead as disco.

"Laugh now!"


Jumping forward in time (but not space unfortunately) three months and the world's oldest (and squared chinned) teenager Zoe Blair (Augesen in her only screen role) arrives at the house.

It seems her parents have purchased it at a knock down price to celebrate their return from  the Middle East after some hush hush business affair and it's Zoe's job to get everything ship (or house) shaped before they turn up festooned with bizarre rugs, stuffed animals and deadly toy donkeys.

 Also there to help is her cool 'punker' brother Jeff (Duvall, now Artistic Director at Dance Arts Conservatory) who, rather than tidy up and clean the toilet decides to chat up the local bequiffed rich bitch and professional dog walker April Ellison (stone wash queen Bastel, most famous for appearing on all fours in the fantastic coke n' kinky sex whore scene in The Bad Lieutenant, you know the one where Harvey stumbles about with his cock out), inviting her in for 'drinks' and a chance to admire his fluffily spiked, rodent like hair.



 Ah true love eh?


"One day, if I'm lucky, Harvey Keitel will cum on my arse." See girls, dreams CAN come true!

Unfortunately just as Jeff is about to show her his Adam Ant coloured vinyl collection (ask your parents) the dog (a feisty little thing named Chocolate, played here with stunning realism and charm by Bachelor in his only screen role) escapes into the woods behind the house where it unfortunately comes across a zombie that just happened to be wandering around.

For the last three months.

With no-one noticing.

Not too surprisingly the zombie kills the dog, leaving not only April in trouble with the owners but with Jeff the chance to show off his wacky sense of humour as he devises an oh so amusing reason to explain the dogs death.

Obviously eaten by zombies doesn't ring true in this part of America whereas chocking on a teenage boys ball does.

Filthy pervert.

Daniels: Tiny hat.


Anyway back to the plot where that very afternoon, a chubby cowboy in a tiny hat by the name of Joshua Daniels (McClelland, nothing worth mentioning, sorry Sam) comes to the Blair's front door looking for the television set.

He claims that he bought it at a carboot  sale but mailed it to the Paranormal Institute after it killed his wife.

Sounds plausible.

Not to Jeff tho' who turns him away before heading into the cellar to look for the magical teevee for himself.

What a rascal.

Dragging it back up to his room and armed with tissues and 'the pot' Jeff turns the teevee on (saucy) and settles down to enjoy the zombie mayhem.

Just as it looks as tho' the plot might kick in the screen goes all wibbly wobbly and the zombies are replaced by the image of a stunning blonde bombshell in a shear black nightie (ex Nuns founder, the late, great Miro) beckoning seductively to Jeff and our troublesome teen, not believing his eyes gives a double take that'd do Les Dennis proud.

In a flash of light (bulbs) this vision of beauty is made flesh and before long is snogging the face off lucky Jeff.

Miro: a mooth made for shite-in in.


But like most blondes she disappears just before the moment of climax leaving Jeff confused, angry and with a glistening dampness on the end of his penis.

We've all been there.

Hiding his erection with a copy of Titbits whilst gazing at his new lady friend back on the screen our teen tearaway is shocked (kind of) when a sweaty tramp appears behind her and cuts her throat, revealing her true for of that of a hideous rotten zombie.

Still with great tits mind.

The man introduces himself to a still reeling (and erect) Jeff as "The Garbage Man," and warns our hero that the only way to prevent more zombies from entering our world (and probably our pets) is to tape a mirror to the teevee screen.

I'll buy that.

Titbits....articles and the like.



This is all well and good but for those of you who've been following the plot you may remember that a few of the zombies (the ones they could afford make-up for) are already shambling about in the woods.

And have chosen the very next day to attack.

Arse.

"I've got something to put in you".


Morning comes (unlike Jeff who just lay awake halfheartedly fiddling and adjusting his boxers as he wondered if his sister would notice the stain when she came to wash them) and the zombies arrive on the street, first making short work of April's dad and his manly maid before moving on to their next-door neighbours and finally laying siege to Zoe and Jeff's house.

Obviously they're making up for lost time.

Luckily our teen trio (April has come to stay due to the fact that her bedroom is covered in bits of her father) have help, for who should return but Cowboy Daniels, tool up, pissed up and ready to fight the good fight.

Yeeha!

Ronnie Barker: The return.


Joshua, being the only semi-literate member of the cast explains to the others that the zombies, being in a flux state between life and death, kill humans out of jealousy and will only attack if they sense fear.

So far so good.

Mirrors, he adds, repulse them because it reminds them that they're actually dead (you think the smell would be a giveaway) and they can be destroyed by trapping them in an enclosed space, which causes them to go full on mentalist and eat each other.

It's almost as if the writer has taken the time to think this bit thru.

Which, frankly is a terrifying thought.

Determined to last out the night Jeff and Zoe begin to barricade the house, unfortunately they board up everything except the front door which allows a Serious Moonlight era Bowie zombie to sneak in and kidnap April.

 Our heroes decide to do nothing until morning, which is nice.

If you say run, I'll run with you
If you say hide, we'll hide
Because my love for you
Would break my heart in two
If you should fall
Into my arms
And tremble like a flower


The sun rises and Joshua and Jeff head into the woods to finally hunt down the zombies.

About fucking time.

Approaching an abandoned kids camp (complete with burnt bits of paper, some jazz mags and various bits of poor April spread around the place) Joshua has a quick scout around before deciding that it would make a perfect spot to ambush the undead.

Before busying himself setting up a sniper den Joshua has the fantastic plan of hoisting Jeff up on an old tree swing to use as bait for the zombies.

Jeff, none too surprisingly is not happy.

Davros: The wedding.


Anyway, back to the action where zombies are slowly converging on the camp as a trigger happy Joshua takes them down one-by-one with a toy bow and arrow.

Indeed this is the most action packed movie ever.

As is the way in such films, one of the zombies escapes the ensuing massacre, and Jeff and Joshua, high on bloodlust and paint fumes head off in hot pursuit only for Joshua to get munched on and a shot to fuck Jeff to get stuck in a handy bear trap.

Could it get any worse?

Well indeed it could seeing as the zombies suddenly realize that they are in fact undead (as opposed to um, dead-dead?) get back up on their feet and converge on Jeff, killing him to death.

Next stop; the house and a chance to feast out on Zoe's warm, smooth thighs.

It doesn't matter how hard you brush, you'll never get the taste of this shit script out of your mouth.


Zoe's no fool tho' and remembering that the zombies only attack when they sense fear, opens the front door and invites them in.

 Party time.

Not only that but she makes them snacks and drinks before inviting them into the basement for a dance.

She is good.

Just no idea who she's gonna smooch with to Spandau Ballet's True at the end of the night.

We'll never no the answer tho' as no sooner has the music started playing that our fearless floosie legs it up the stairs and locks them in.

Result.

As predicted the zombies go crazy ape mental and eat one another.

The End.

Or is it?


Timothy Spall: The pikey years.

Jump forward again and poor Zoe has been institutionalized (no doubt for crimes against denim) and after spending at least a fortnight dribbling over her shirt she's awoken in time for her parents (finally! they're here!) to visit and, lucky her, they've brought her a surprise.

Yup, it's the battered old teevee set from the house.

A friendly orderly pops it on the end of her bed and turns it on and after a flicker of static  "Zombie Blood Nightmare" begins.

A terrified Zoe, frozen with fear and dried spittle can only watch as the zombies turn to face her and begin to advance toward the screen.




A huge hit on it's home video release (thanks in part to it's fantastic EC style cover art and it's titles resemblance to The Evil Dead) Robert (Now a major teevee assistant director working on everything from House to Heroes) Scott's first excursion into cinema may be a heady brew of trashy gore, cut price Halloween masks, ne'er been actors, atrocious continuity and a script so badly constructed it's a wonder it didn't collapse the first time anyone breathed on it with the added bonus of the most annoying farty synth score since 1972 Doctor Who story The Sea Devils but surprisingly (and frighteningly) it works.


Sylvester McCoy prepares for an appearance in the Doctor Who 50th anniversary story....but first the dole office!

With an estimated budget of only $80,000 (the majority of which must have gone on Vickie Bastel's hair), Scott throws caution (and and any sense of logic) to the wind filling the movie with enough humour (intentional and otherwise), home-made gunk, accidental pantie shots and admittedly bright ideas to shame most big budget horror epics.

Yes I'm looking at you Resident Evil series.

Again.

But  please, no Bluray release.....I doubt the zombies could take it.


Wednesday, July 25, 2012

bloodsucka!

kids are off and it's been pouring with rain here so not had any time to watch the frankly ludicrous pile of shite sitting in the corner.

I did however get to rewatch this old favourite t'other night.

Enjoy.

Blacula (1974).
Dir: William Crain.
Cast: William Marshall, Vonetta McGee, Denise Nicholas, Ted Harris, Rick Metzler, Gordon Pinsent, Lance Taylor Snr., Emily Yancy, Charles Macaulay and Thalmus Rasulala.

"You shall pay, black prince. I shall place a curse of suffering on you that will doom you to a living hell. I curse you with my name. You shall be… Blacula!"



The year is 1780 and Count Dracula is busy entertaining studly African Prince Terry Mamuwalde (The King of Cartoons himself, Marshall) and his luscious lady-wife Luva (McGee from Shaft in Africa and Hammer amongst other top movies...meow!) at his castle in downtown Transylvania.

Ever the gentleman, Dracula although fascinated by these guests from the “dark continent” (and no that doesn't mean the West Midlands) listens intently as Prince Mamuwalde explains his plan to rid the world of slavery and see his people accepted as equals.

And Mamuwalde reckons that with Dracula’s help this dream can become a reality.

The evening appears to be going swimmingly until Dracula, slightly tipsy on Vodka and Red Bull decides to not only extoll the merits of the slave trade but also admit that he's always fancied buying a charming Negress like Mrs. Mamuwalde just so he could touch her bum.

His wife, nation and sexiness insulted, Mamuwalde begins to smash the furniture before threatening to sodomize the Count with a chair leg and only a surprise appearance from Dracula's well trained army of ninja butlers stops this threat from becoming a reality.

"Spice Girls number one for Christmas....MONSTA!"

Outnumbered (but not outfunked) the saucily sideburned servants succeed in overpowering the Prince, giving Dracula's newly risen Pikey brides time to grab Luva whilst dribbling thru' their ill fitting pound shop teeth.

As a final indignity Dracula bites poor Mamuwalde and places him in a coffin before cursing Mamuwalde with his own name.

"From now on" Dracula intones in a vaguely sinister fashion "You shall be known as…Blacula!"

Slamming the coffin shut, the Prince of Darkness has it and Luva bricked up in a convenient alcove where she shall slowly die from starvation as her husband scratches away at the coffin lid....

And cue funky sounds!

"I fang you!"



After titles that would make Chuck Jones proud we return to present day (1972) Transylvania where camp as knickers Interior decorators Bobby and Billy (Harris and Metzler from some other movies possibly) have travelled from the good ol' US of A in order to collect all the fittings and furnishings from Dracula's castle as part of a government funded carboot sale.

It could happen.


Whilst their guide regales them with blood curdling tales of Count Dracula, Bobby is busying himself in the Counts back passage where he comes across the tomb containing Mamuwalde’s coffin.

Never one to knock back a nice bit of wood Bobby begs the guide to let him have it to which the helpful Romanian gladly obliges.

Back home in Los Angeles, our preening pals are busy unpacking their large containers when Billy, always the joker, has the oh-so-wacky idea of swapping the coffin they purchased for the bed in their guest bedroom.

A scarily early warning about AIDS or just a convenient way to wake the Count?

YOU decide.

Using all his strength  Bobby manages to pry open the lock on the coffin but Billy (being clumsy as fuck...must be the way he flaps his arms when he speaks) slashes his hand on the coffins knob.

Screaming and shouting about his cut whilst crying on his pal's shoulder, the flamboyant fellows fail to notice the coffin beginning to open.

From the inside.

They've got something to put in you.

Yup, Blacula is back and on the loose in LA, rising from his coffin he makes easy pickings of our pillow biting pals before, um, going back to sleep.

Oh well.

It's the next day and we're at a funky funeral home where a 'service' for Bobby is about to be held but hark, who's the mystery man in black skulking in the background?

That'll be Blacula then, spookily staring at the corpse whilst wriggling his fingers, his vampire powers slowly bringing Bobby back to life as a servant of the undead.

Creepy.

Luckily for us these spooky shenanigans are interrupted by the arrival of jolly undertaker Mr. Swenson (Sanford and Son's Taylor) and a small group of mourners consisting of the funktastically 'tashed Doctor Gordon Thomas (Blaxploitation stalwart Rasulala), his girlfriend Michelle (Ghost Dad's Nicholas) and her purple clad, hooded sister Tina (McGee again...can you see where this is going?).

As Gordon, Michelle and Tina chat uncomfortably over the big blue stiff, Tina removes her hood to reveal her stunning visage leaving Blacula speechless at the resemblance to his dead wife.

Laugh now!


Intrigued by the apparent bite marks on Bobby's neck, gorgeous Gordon whips out his scientific credentials and begins to question of cuddly undertaker pal who informs him that as well as the human mouth sized bite, Bobby’s veins were also empty of blood.

Gordon, his brow furrowed in a look usually kept for when he's pleasuring the ladies, briskly turns and heads for his lab  prompting Swenson to exclaim “That is the rudest nigger I ever met!” 

Which gives it the edge over Eastenders in the realism stakes I guess.

Meanwhile Tina, tired from having to be so sexy all day, decides that rather than go visit poor Bobby’s snot faced gurgling mother’s place with Michelle she'd much prefer to go home and relax with a nice bath, some romantic girl-porn and various fresh vegetables.

As she clip clops along the sidewalk in an outfit that would shame Liberace, Tina soon begins to sense that she is not quite alone.

Quickening her pace, she runs around the corner and comes face to face with Blacula himself who decides to break the ice by calling her "Luva".

As any sane person would do in that situation, Tina turns tail and hoofs it down the street dropping her purse in the process.

Not too surprisingly our velvet clad vamp finds it.

Just before he's hit by a cab which appears to be driven by Martin Lawrence in full Big Momma's House mode.

After much slagging and pushing from the driver, Blacula obviously bored with getting called 'Boy!' whilst getting man-handled by a crossdressing former Will Smith co-star finally bites the cabbie to death.

"Yo crazy biatch! etc".


Worn out by this sudden burst of ultra-violence Blacula heads home to bed.

Well daylight come and we’re off to the local police station where Gordon is busy chatting with Sam the morgue man as regards to the dead cabbie found the following night, looking over the body Gordon is shocked to find two puncture marks on the neck.

Just like on that gay bloke.

Could this be a clue?

Well crusty police lieutenant Jack Peters reckons it’s the Black Panthers (or an actual black panther, I'm not sure) but Gordon disagrees reckoning it's more likely to be bin men or gypsies.

Gordon, planning on spending the day organizing Michelle’s birthday, bids his farewells and struts off into the city.

Dig?

Beware Blacula's cum face.

The birthday bash beckons down at Paul Barron's club, where top pop trio The Hues Corporation are entertaining the crowds as Gordon, Michelle and Tina enjoy some ice cold Colt 45 and flapjacks.

Probably.

Anyway striding manfully thu' the front door like some negative Jon Pertwee comes Blacula who uses Tina's purse as an excuse to join the party alongside comedy jivester Skillet who's just there for the champagne.

Everything is going swimmingly till local photographer and full time hot pants model Nancy (teevee stalwart Yancy) takes a couple of photo's of the group causing Blacula to freak out at the sudden flash.

Making his excuses he leaves, only to hide behind Nancy's bins waiting for a moment to strike.

You see, our bloodsucking brother doesn't show up on photographs.

When and how he learned this is never explained probably because it would get in the way of the killings.

"I need to crack this, Dag, cos if not, Won Ton will be all over me like knockers in a wind tunnel".


Nancy stumbles into the street and straight into the arms of erstwhile Sergeant John Barnes, who just happens to be heading to the party with a load of autopsy photo's for Gordon (don't ask) but as he prepares to call for help she sprouts fangs and bites him.
Deciding that all these bitings must be related, Gordon gets Michelle a stack of books on ghouls and vampires from the library whilst he attempts to get a permit to exhume Billy’s (remember him?) body.

Unfortunately the DA knocks his request back, meaning our hairy hero has no choice but to turn graverobber, obviously Michelle refuses to help but Gordon manages to persuade her with lots and lots of sweet kisses and a couple of nipple pinches.

He the man as the young folk say.

As she heads home to change into some old clothes, Gordon takes the time to polish himself off whilst looking over some of the books from the library.

Fair enough.

Blood in mah mooth!

Whilst all this seventies style digging is going down, Blacula shows up at Tina’s door desperate to see her and Tina, being a girl in a horror movie, invites him in.

Cue a long and convoluted chat to fill in the backstory for those to busy (or thick) to remember that basically goes from  "Ooooh we have  a connection" to "I'm an undead African Prince who is now a vampire" via "you're my  wife reincarnated".

Frighteningly this line of chat actually works and it's not long before Tina and Blacula are at it on the sofa like crazy things.

"Put it in me!"


Things are hotting up at the graveyard to, for no sooner has Gordon opened Billy's coffin than the ghoulish gay comes flying out like a slightly camp jack in the box.

Albiet one with huge plastic fangs and a face plastered in green emulsion.

Luckily Gordon has come prepared and quickly pulls out his trusty stake and thrusts it into Billy before beating him off with a shovel.

Noticing that Michelle has pissed herself with fear he quickly explains that Billy was a vampire so it's not really murder.

Hmmm, must remember to try that one next time I'm in court.

Quick as a very quick thing Michelle realizes that this means Bobby must also be a vampire.

A vampire on the loose somewhere in the city!

Gordon frantically phones Peters to explain the situation before remembering that Martin Lawrence is still in the morgue.

Hanging up on Peters he rings Sam to warn him not to take the body out of the freezer but Sam is busy having a big poo and when he returns he too is murdered.

Arse. 

Vonetta McGee: your dad did. Twice.


Realizing that all this started with the arrival of all that antique shite from Transylvania, Gordon begins to suspect that the legends of Count Dracula must be true.

But no-one can recall seeing a flamboyant white guy prowling the streets.

Eventually (after a few more murders and a good many snogs from Blacula) he realizes the truth about Mamuwalde, meaning it's a race against time to save the city and ultimately his sisters soul (both eternal and arse) from our lovelorn bloodsucker.






Released at the height of the seventies blaxploitation boom, William Crain's  Blacula s not only the most fondly remembered of the the black horror (or Blorror) cycle but quite possibly the best too.

Most of the movies success tho' is down to it's fantastic cast and none more so than actor William Marshall, playing he tragic yet terrifying Prince Mamuwalde  with a conviction rarely seen in movies of this ilk.

With his booming baritone voice and commanding presence, Marshall totally (and believably) instills the character of Blacula with a quiet humanity that works well to juxtapose the more frightening aspects of what could have been, in a lesser actors hands a one note and quite possibly laughable villain.

Whilst the director failed to reach the same dizzy heights with the Bernie Casey starrer Dr. Black and Mister Hyde before returning to teevee, Blacula returned to face off against the one and only Pam Grier in the Scream Blacula Scream.

Worth ninety minutes of anyone’s time, if only to see where Richard Ayoadeot the idea for Dean Learner from.

Highly recommended.

Twice.

Sunday, July 15, 2012

jurassic lark.

The first in an ongoing series featuring the characters from Jurassic Park and their insect equivalents.

Enjoy.

More reviews soon I promise.



Thursday, July 5, 2012

rejected pitches 2.

Just got an Email back from Marvel/20th Century Fox, the bastards have rejected my pitch for the X-Men-First Class sequel.



I still believe it could be the greatest superhero movie since The Phantom.





Here goes:

Pimping professor Charles Xavier decides to build a brothel as a tool to making humans get along with mutants and the like.

Storm, Rogue, Jubilee, Cyclops, Jean and others, Xavier’s former students, will help by working in the Brothel.

Magneto is responsible for looking over Xavier’s Brothel, rating the establishment’s quality from time to time, and helping him by attracting richer and more powerful costumers.

Reed Richards opens a downmarket brothel, staffed by street urchins, homeless teens and former members of Alpha flight next door.

Super heroic rivalry and hilarity ensues.


And if you're reading this Mark Millar, you can have this for a packet of Silk Cut and a tenner.

more frightening emails....

Received this via email this morning, doesn't beat the dinosaur sex question but comes close.

Dear Lamont,
My neighbour made this and was asking my advice…is there any way he can use it like a voodoo doll so a girl feels him having sex with her? also can he bind the spirit of a dead child or dog to it? If there's one person I thought would know about such things it would be you.
Thanks.



Well dear readers it's over to you.

Sunday, July 1, 2012

people you fancy but shouldn't (part 42).

I'd actually never noticed how hot Katie Holmes was till I saw her crying...




....and as for the 'shot to fuck and needing a hug pic' pic.....ding dong!

Holmes: Too weak/drunk/drugged to say no....the perfect date.


Plus anyone who can walk past that sour-faced screaming Scientology steeped she-creature that is Suri Cruise  without giving her a kicking is worth a couple of minutes of your time in anyone’s books.


"Mom, Dad said that you're wasting your time making movies! You wanna make real money, you gotta start a religion!"

Anyway Katie, you know where I am if you need a shoulder to cry on.

one dark knight...

The closer it gets the more nightmares I've been having about how depressing the Dark Knight Rises trailer looks, all those ickle children looking mournfully up at the sky as that bloke from Star Trek: Nemesis mumbles incoherently and Christian Bale limps about with a stick on beard.


For fucks sake Nolan, somebody throw a sodding pie.



Anyway, after a few drinks last night I had a very lucid bat-based dream and luckily I manage to write it down as I awoke.


Obviously this was before I noticed the dead rent boy at the bottom of the bed but that's a different story.


"No, Joker. You’re playing the wrong game. The old game. Tonight you’re taking no hostages. Tonight I’m taking no prisoners!" John Cassavetes as an older, wiser Bruce Wayne.


'Batman: The Dark Knight Returns'

(loosely) based on the graphic novel by Frank Miller.


Dir. Dario Argento



Prod: Stanley Kubrick

Adapted for the screen by Truman Capote and Anthony Burgess

Original music: Cliff Martinez


Cast:


Bruce Wayne/Batman: John Cassavetes

The Joker: Malcolm McDowell
 

Commissioner Gordon: Lee Marvin

Two Face:
Udo Kier
 

Alfred Pennyworth: Vincent Price

Robin: Asia Argento

Superman: John Phillip Law 









For added realism McDowell actually underwent a painful bleaching process to obtain The Joker's deathly pallor.
 
RE: The Dark Knight Returns

Despised by critics yet loved by cinema goers,
the big screen adaptation of The Dark Knight Returns popularity among lefties annoyed it's creator, Frank Miller so much that vowed never to allow another one of his stories to be adapted in any medium. 

Eventually, after realizing that he needed cash for a new cowboy hat he relented and finally allowed all of his properties to be adapted by anyone with a dollar and/or right wing leanings.





The Bat mask interior as envisaged by  Jean Giraud


 


The behind the scenes story is as exciting as anything on screen tho', with triple Oscar winner Argento taking over the project after Nicolas Winding Refn, Alejandro Jodorwosky, Shane Black, John Boorman, and Takashi Miike failed to stay attached to the film. 

During the Jodorwosky production, Mick Jagger was slated to play the Joker, tho' Jagger reportedly actually appeared on set, his scenes shot at various locations around the world due to The Rolling Stones being in the middle of a world tour.

These scenes were to be inserted into the final film at a later date using technology created by producer Stanley Kubrick. 

It was this period that saw pre-production costs spiralling 12 years and 250 million dollars over-budget, almost bankrupting Warner Brothers and causing Jodorwosky to secretly escape from America seeking refuge in Mexico where he hoped to film the entire movie and where construction of the full sized Gotham City sets had begun in earnest

The Jean Giraud inspired Batmobile. 47 different versions were built for the film.


Trivia:

Some of the concept art by French cartoonist Jean (Moebius) Giraud were eventually used in Terry Zwigoff's stage adaptation of Marvel's Alpha Flight (2018).

Initially Klaus Kinski was cast as the Joker for Argento's production and 70% percent of his scenes were in the can before he became increasingly deluded that he was being stalked by Mick Jagger in revenge for 'stealing' his role. 


Three weeks before the end of shooting Kinski disappeared on the same day that Jagger went missing from a Florida hotel room.

After a countrywide search it was discovered that after numerous phone altercations with the Jagger, Kinski had kidnapped the singer in an attempt to replace him on stage and during a gig in Washington blow himself and the rest of The Stones to pieces in revenge for what he said were Great Britain's crimes against popular culture.


No charges were filed.