never ending story.

Twin 2 is currently spending every waking minute rewatching the 1960 George Pal classic The Time Machine due to her having a huge crush on Rod Taylor (and who can blame her?).

So to shake things up a wee bit this afternoon we watched this....

"I wouldn't want one of them swimming up my arse!"

World Without End (1956).
Dir: Edward Bernds.
Cast: Nelson Leigh, Christopher Dark, Rod Taylor, Hugh Marlowe, Everett Glass, Shirley Patterson, Lisa Montell, William Vedder, Nancy Gates, Booth Colman and Mickey Simpson.

Our women seem to have lagged behind in their evolution into reasonable creatures. They actually admire these reckless and brutal men.

It's March 1957 (probably a Tuesday) and top space science types Dr. Eldon Galbraithe (The Adventures of Sir Galahad star Leigh), bequiffed navigator Henry Jaffe (Dark who was once in The Time Tunnel), radio operator and all round sexyman Herbert Ellis (Taylor, our reason for watching) alongside team leader and professional action hero John Borden (The Day The Earth Stood Still and Earth Vs The Flying Saucers star Marlowe) are returning to Earth after a successful reconnaissance trip to Mars.

Bloody hell you couldn't move for spaceships parked around the red planet in the 50s could you?

What appears to be a routine flight full of fun and banter turns scary when the rocket suddenly accelerates to an incredible speed, rendering the crew unconscious and sending their ship hurtling - well wobbling - thru' space before crashing on a snow-covered mountain.

Coming to and deciding to make the best of the situation the gang go for a walk down the mountain and soon coming across some ancient gravestones leaving Galbraithe to surmise that the rocket was subjected to a wee bit of 'time dilation' (isn't that the way?) and that they're now stranded on a future Earth, the heightened radiation that the ship has registered outside being from a devastating atomic war that occurred at some point in the past.

Which seems legit.

This news is taken particularly hard by Jaffe tho', as he soon realizes that his wife and children must be dead.


Well either dead or they moved to Birmingham.

"Does my skin look buttery?"

Deciding that Jaffe needs something to take his mind of his families demise the rest of the team send him off to explore a nearby cave, hinting that it may be full of Leprechaun treasure and with that he merrily jogs along to take a look, unfortunately it's not full of treasure but is, in fact, chock full of giant rubber spiders intent on scoffing poor Jaffe.

Well I say chock full but I mean there are two of them.

Or maybe just one and it's edited to look like two.

Either way it looks utter shite, meaning there's more chance of Jaffe dying of embarrassment than getting bit.

Anyway before it can get too exciting Ellis fires his load(ed gun) into the beasts eyes and the group run away only to be almost immediately attacked by one eyed, furry nappy wearing mutant survivors of the war - or 'Mutates' as they call them.

It never rains.

"Hello we're from Cradley Heath!"

Seeking shelter in another (less cobwebby) cave our hunky bunch are surprised (there's a fair bit of that in this movie) when a gleaming, totally not incongruous, metal door slides open revealing the entrance to an underground city populated by the - non mutated - descendants of those who survived the atomic war.

Descendants who are now spending their days clad in shower caps, ballet tights and massive gold chains in an attempt to look all clever and utopian.

In charge of this motley crew is the thin legged Bob Timmek (Invasion Of The Body Snatcher's Glass who spends the whole movie looking fairly embarrassed at the tightness of his - well - tights as they not only reveal what side he dresses to but also what he had for lunch, poor sod), who is aided and abetted by the oh-so slightly fey James (Pearl Jam's Vedder - thankfully uncredited) and the harsh faced Tober Mories (father of Doctor Who stars Olivia and  Jenna as well as TV Planet of The Apes monkey, Coleman) who, feeling threatened by the sheer amount of manliness on show decides to plot against our time-traveling team.

Well that and the fact that his betrothed, Timmek's daughter, the mini-skirted minx Garnet (cheeky chinned TV stalwart Gates) has the hots for Borden.

John that is not Stan.

Oh hang on that's Boardman isn't it?

Sorry. 

Beware this room is not full of candy.

 

You see, it seems that life underground has caused the men to become less virile and manly whilst in contrast, the women have all de-evolved to look like 50s starlets complete with incredibly pointed bras and tiny shiny skirts and they appear to be constantly gagging for it with a couple of them - the council estate Rita Hayworth Elain (Patterson) and serving girl Deena (Montell, be still my beating heart), both fighting for the attentions of Ellis who at this point is topless for some reason.

Anyway, our heroes decide that the only way humanity will survive (apart from them having sex with all the ladies which may be a wee bit tiring - especially for Galbraithe) is if everyone heads to the surface, kills the 'mutates' and soak up some vitamin C so to this end they attempt to persuade the underground community to arm themselves and help them to reclaim the surface.

But alas they can't be arsed.

Tunnel or funnel?

From that point in the film descends into chatsville - via discussion town - intercut with scenes of Garnet gazing lustfully at Borden whilst begging him to make love to her in the rugged style of the men in her old romance novels.

Which is nice.

"Hey honey....you fancy a wee bit o' mooth shite-in?"

Tired of all this testosterone fueled tomfoolery, Mories hatches a plan to discredit the time travelers by stealing their weapons from James' bedroom and planting them in their quarters.

How fiendish.

Unfortunately as he's grabbing the guns James appears from the bathroom and has no sooner pulled up his tights as Mories beats him to death.

Ouch.

He then sneaks into our heroes room and hides the guns in Borden's sock drawer.

Framing the foursome for the foul murder of poor James, Timmek has no choice but to have them expelled but luckily - for them - Deena was in their room having a wee fiddle whilst sniffing Ellis' underwear and saw the whole thing.

Much shoving and pushing ensues as Mories flees to the surface only to be bummed to death by mutants.

Helmet.

With Mories out of the picture, Timmek decides to throw away his pacifist ideals and help our heroes manufacture a bazooka with which to kill the mutates but Deena - having been rescued from the outside as a child - informs everyone that the mutates are actually quite small in number and that they used (non-mutated) slaves to do all the heavy work for them.

With this knowledge Borden offers to fight their chief, the hairy back and arsed Naga (yellow skinned cartoon star Simpson) in single combat for leadership of the group and the lives of the slaves.

Obviously they blow some shit up first just to show they mean business.

Will Borden beat Naga or will evil triumph over good old fashioned American strength?

Will our heroes return to the past or choose to build a new world surrounded by dozens of adoring ladies?

Go on, guess.

Lisa Montell: Foil wrapped for freshness.

With a plot so good it was later ripped off for The Mole People (which like this owes a huge debt to The Time Machine), World Without End was originally envisaged as a cheap way to make some extra cash for filmmakers Allied Artists by reusing footage, sets and costumes from their earlier movie Flight to Mars and because of this World Without End balances uncomfortably 'tween being a silver age SciFi classic and cheap seat-filler - for every highbrow question on humanities quest for survival and pacifism vs aggression there's a rubber arachnid or boss-eyed beast in a furry nappy waiting around the corner.


Luckily it's saved from obscurity - and dragged from the gutter by not only its fantastic cast - especially Hugh Marlowe, Lisa Montell and Rod Taylor - but also by the frankly bizarre mix of folk who worked behind the scenes, including the legendary Sam Peckinpah (who worked as its dialgoue director) and strangest of all, probably the worlds most famous/greatest pin-up artist Alberto Vargas as concept/costume artist.

Which explains a lot if I'm honest.

Especially that tingly feeling I got whenever any of the space ladies turn up onscreen.

Vargas: Sauce pot.

And let's not forget director Edward Bernds who, although not the greatest director who ever lived makes sure the film is never dull - which frankly is a godsend after watching some of it's contemporaries.

Yes I'm looking at you The Mole People.

Again.

With a career that spans everything from directing The Three Stooges to writing the Elvis movie masterpiece Tickle Me via The Queen of Outer Space and nearly (accidentally) winning an Oscar Bernds makes sure that the film never gets too talky and throws enough action, sexy ladies and silly hats at the screen to make it an enjoyable if fairly forgettable cinematic experience.

Go on, you know you want to.

If only for Lisa Montel's midriff. 

carpenter cuts.

 

 

Celebrate John Carpenter's birthday with 3 volumes of classic Carpenter inspired cuts, Jack Burton beats and taxicab tunes available to download here.

 

"It's all in the reflexes..."

 

 

radio ga ga!

Screw the whole dang Netflix and chill thang, World War III is incoming so let's spend tonight listening to popular wide-band web receivers instead!

 

>http://websdr.ewi.utwente.nl:8901/

>http://websdr.k3fef.com:8901/

 
OR Select one geographically close to you:

>http://websdr.org/

 
>http://rx.linkfanel.net/

INSTRUCTIONS:

>Set Frequency to 4724.00, 8992.00 or 11175.00
>Set Mode to USB
>Tap "Wider" to increase bandwidth (2.7-3.0 kHz)
>Press "Chrome audio start" if necessary
>Listen!

AIR TRAFFIC:

> https://globe.adsbexchange.com/

 
> https://www.flightradar24.com/

MARITIME TRAFFIC:

> https://www.marinetraffic.com/

 
> https://www.vesselfinder.com/

 

LIVE UNIVERSAL AWARENESS MAP:

>https://liveuamap.com/en/

REAL TIME RADIATION WORLD MAP:

>https://www.gmcmap.com/index.asp

 

Enjoy!

foot in mooth.

Well we're well and truly into the new year here, the kids are back to college tomorrow so we can no longer get completely drunk every night as real-life is about to rear it's ugly head and as expected the weather is absolutely Baltic.

So decided to celebrate the end of the holidays with this classic mainly because:

A. It's set in a cold place

and

B. I remembered that this time last year I'd been waxing lyrical about Nigel Kneale in an actual commissioned piece (I get some occasionally) which shows at least someone at some point liked what I write.

Anyway, enjoy.

 

The Abominable Snowman (AKA The Abominable Snowman of the Himalayas, 1957)
Dir: Val Guest.
Cast: Peter Cushing, Maureen Connell, Arnold Marlé, Richard Wattis, Forrest Tucker, Robert Brown and Wolfe Morris.

"They killed him. It was the sound of that howling. He couldn't stand it - it drove him mad."

The corduroy loving academic-type Dr. John Rollason (Cushing) alongside his lusciously librarian-like wife Helen (Connell) and their bespectacled colleague Dr. Peter Fox ( Wattis) have come to Tibet to make a study of the rare medicinal herbs used by the local monks at a remote Buddhist monastery at the foot of The Himalayas.

But Rollason's reason for being there isn't all to do with his plant based potterings as our erstwhile chum has a secret obsession with all things Yeti based.

So to this end he has arranged to meet up with brash American mountaineer cum salesman Tom Friend (original Ghostbuster and star of The Trollenberg Terror, Tucker) in order to - hopefully- track down and capture the beast, much to his wife's chagrin.

You see he had a bad accident last time he tried climbing (he fell off the roof fixing the Sky dish) and had specifically promised not to do it again.

What a rotter.

Peter farted....and it was an eggy one.

She's not the only one set against the idea tho' as the local lama (Marle) would much prefer Rollason to concentrate all his efforts on his studies of the plants too.

You see the lama is totally convinced that there's no such thing as the Yeti, explaining to Rollason the the legends - and noises - are probably just wolves.

Or maybe rats.

Plus winter is coming meaning that the already treacherous mountains will quickly become unclimbable.

A wee bit like your mum.

Or is that unmountable?

Either way neither of those, it seems, are real words according to my spellchecker.

Neither wistful wife nor knowledgeable Nepalese can sway John tho' and he excitedly joins up with Friend’s party - Edward Shelley (latter day Bond boss M, Brown) and Andrew McNee (Brill) as well as a single native guide Terry Kusang (Morris) - and heads off the very next day.

"Scarf on mah neck!"

 

Although the group may seem small (as in members wise, Tucker is sporting some mighty manbreasts), Friend has planned it with almost military precision, the previous year he ordered a much larger team into the mountains to prepare their base camps in advance and stock them with such supplies as non-perishable food, rifles, first-aid gear, and radios.

In fact everything a Yeti hunting expedition would ever need including a huge sledge to bring the beast home on.

Sorted.

They've no sooner left the monastery tho' than things start to go awry with Rollason realising that his plan to merely observe the creatures in their natural habitat has been superseded by Friend's plan to shoot one and bring the body back for exhibition.

Which he really should have asked about before they left if I'm honest.

The situation isn't helped by the fact that NcNee has encountered the beast (or at least heard it) before and is slowly losing his mind at the thought of encountering it again.

Typical bloody Scotsman.

Maureen Connell: Ask your Granddad.

 

As tensions flare and feelings run high the group bicker and bitch as they climb higher and higher but when poor McNee accidentally steps into one of Shelley's patented Yeti-traps and breaks his ankle resulting in much crying and poor old Peter Cushing having to bathe his stinky foot.

But things are about to take a turn to the sinister as that very night a Yeti sneaks into their camp (but not alas their hearts) and starts poking McNee thru' the tent walls.

Grabbing his rifle Shelley lets off a few rounds and kills the beast but not before Kusang has run away back to the monastery, leaving Friend, Shelley and Rollason to drag the bugger back to camp alone.

Upon their return tho' they notice that McNee has gone for a wander, climbing barefoot up a treacherous cliff whilst announcing that he loves big feet - or something - before falling to his death.

Meanwhile back at the monastery, Helen is so worried about her husband that - in the films most erotically charged scenes - she's taken to stomping around in her fluffy PJ's and a pair of big boots whilst shouting at everyone.

Fox, ever helpful suggests that she goes back to bed and get pissed but Helen, being a woman refuses and storms off to see the lama before deciding to blow her entire housekeeping money on hiring all the other sherpa's and mounting a rescue mission.

Girl power eh?

"I can see your house from here Peter!"

This it transpires is probably for the best seeing as by now Rollason, Friend and Shelley are currently being harassed by the dead Yeti's pals and as a combination of cabin fever (not the movie tho' thank fuck) and the lack of oxygen begins to take effect the three men must battle against not only their own fears and prejudices but a mysterious species that appears capable of invading their very minds.....

After hitting the horror big time in 1955 with their cinema-sized adaptation of Nigel Kneale's BBC classic The Quatermass Experiment, Hammer Films looked to repeat its success, first with a sequel in everything but name in X The ~Unknown (Hammer actually wanted it to be a Quatermass movie but Kneale refused permission for the character to be used due to Brian Donlevy's scenery chewing performance) and then with a big screen adaptation of Kneale's Himalayan horror The Creature which had been broadcast two years earlier.

Retaining Peter Cushing from the TV version but pairing him with an American co-star - Forrest Tucker replacing Stanley Baker - due in part to secure co-funding from producer Robert L. Lippert who also held the rights to distribute Hammer's films in the United States, The Abominable Snowman is a low budget slow burn of a picture that's as creepy as it is thoughtful.

"Oh Vic....I've fallen."

Inspired by the then recent reports concerning the mysterious Yeti, fueled in part by Sir Edmund Hillary’s photographs of large footprints while ascending Mt. Everest in 1953 as well as the 1954 Snowman Expedition (sponsored by the Daily Mail of all things), The Abominable Snowman plays against our expectations of a Hammer monster movie by having the titular creature not some blood crazed beast intent on killing everything with a normal shoe size but a creature that is determined to hide from man, waiting patiently to reclaim their world again once the ape-upstarts have destroyed themselves.

Their only acts of aggression against the humans is with a subtle use of telekinesis and telepathy, slowly driving the group mad as broken radios continue to broadcast and dead companions cry from the snowy wastes.

It's themes like this that not only would Kneale revisit but so would Doctor Who especially in its Quatermass inspired series 7, much to the writers mild annoyance.

"Brrrraaaa Shuper Ted! Do you require any scissors sonically sharpening?"

Unfortunately this wasn't what folk were looking for and The Abominable Snowman failed to find an audience at the box office.

But whilst the film is a wee bit of an undiscovered classic it's not all perfect,  Tucker is a wee bit of a set-chewing Shouty Kenneth but with the original being lost who knows if Baker was any subtler, plus the addition of Helen and Fox to the story adds nothing to it except a wee bit of a saucy thrill for any viewers with a 50s secretarial sex-fetish when Connell wanders passed in her fluffy oversized PJs and walking boots.

But just because the film was a wee bit of a flop doesn't make it any less enjoyable plus it's head and shoulders above most of the horror output of the time.

Bizarrely enough tho' we should really be thankful for it's less than stellar box office as its due to its relative failure plus the diminishing returns of Quatermass II the same year that Hammer decided to re-invent their horror output for a rapidly approaching new decade.

For it was later that very year that the company unleashed The Curse of Frankenstein, quickly followed by the horror powerhouse that is Dracula, changing the face of British horror cinema with it's new found focus on blood, boobs and bare flesh forever.