strange hill.

A little food based fun now, got round to giving this classic another razzle after finding it sitting under a pile of Big Cook Little Cook DVD's (gotta love my cataloging system).

It's short n' sweet, a wee bit like the film in question.

Well, I say sweet....

Kogyaru-gui: Oosaka terekura hen (AKA Eat The SchoolgirL, Osaka Telephone Club. 1997)
Dir: Naoyuki Tomomatsu
Star: Kozue Aoki, Yuuki Fujita, Nobuyuki Hasegawa, Michiru Kato, Tadao
Kawamoto, Shiro Misawa, Tsuyoshi Ootsubo, Kenji Sugawara, Dan Takebashi, Maria
Yamazaki, Naoki Yokota and Tetsuya Yuuki.

"Dear Diary, I just killed someone today."

Somewhere in the sprawling metropolis that is Tokyo we come across a pair of ker-razy young guys whose job seems to be handing out flyers and tapes of an oh so slightly pornographic nature.

Nice work if you can get it I guess.

Brian is a sex obsessed neurotic with a bad fringe and his pal (and the movie's star) Jeff is a geeky phone sex addicted loner (with an even worse fringe), even having a favourite operator whom he calls on a regular basis (his phone bill must be huge).

After a hard days smut peddling the pair return to their bosses den of vice to pick up their wages and inadvertently get a glimpse behind the scenes of these homemade video epics.

You see, the bad Yakuza men behind this lo-fi film industry spend their days kidnapping random girls off the street before getting them rat arsed and touching them up on camera.

I told you they were naughty.

Getting bored with all the gratuitous nudity around them our duo decide to go their separate ways.

The director was too scared to shout 'cut!'
as John Leslie strutted his stuff.

Brian hits the mean streets in his search for sex whilst Jeff heads home to phone his special girl pal. Imagine his surprise then when on opening his front door he's confronted by a naked lady baring an uncanny resemblance to the girl on the flyer he's been handing out all day.

Except this girl has angel wings.

Spooky.

The mysterious girl sexily announces that she's his to do with as he pleases, so long as he starts dressing as a school girl, roaming the city and stabbing folk as he climaxes.

No, really.


Excited yet scarily frustrated, Jeff dons his girlie garb and legs it into the night and before long he's come across a drunk in an alley...but obviously not before stabbing him to death with a set of box cutters whilst all the time hazy memories of his families brutally murder play before his eyes.

Realising what he's done, Jeff disappears into the night....

Insert cock...well anywhere you like really.

Playing out like a cheaper (hard to imagine I know), grubbier and way more pretentious version of Romano Scavolini's 1981 masterwork of mentalism 'Nightmares In A Damaged Brain', Naoyuki (Stacy: Attack of the Schoolgirl Zombies) Tomomatsu's arthouse porn shocker may lack the logic (and plot) of his later work, it's thinly veiled story and cardboard characters mearly an excuse to see how far the director can push the barriers of taste and style over substance in a little under sixty minutes.

The answer is quite far by the way.

The acting (if you can call it that) is stilted and cold coupled with jerky, hand held cinematography and an unhealthy pretense for intellectualizing the (mostly sexual) violence on show makes the movie hard to sit thru', but unfortunately for all the wrong reasons.

If you're bored (or that way inclined) there's still fun to be had with the movie by inviting your friends round and imagining yourselves as the panel from The Late Review attempting to justify and explain the artistic merit of a group of guys squirting water up a girls arse in an effort to make her shit herself whilst they film the whole thing.

I can't decide what's more offensive, the
constant violence against women of those undies.

I shouldn't be too harsh tho', I mean what other movie can you think of that closes with a cross dressing loon disemboweling a girl in a shower before masturbating furiously over her writhing body as she attempts in vain to hold her internal organs in place?

At least I know what I'm getting my neighbour for Christmas now.